11. Olympic Bar - Athlete’s nightclub.

12. E-Z Bar - "How dare you! I’m not that type of bar."

13. Squat rack - The lonliest piece of equipment in gym.

14. "It’s all you!" - Said by spotter during last few reps of a set. Translatation: "It’s mostly me."

15. Pro-hormones - Hormones that have lost their amateur status.

16. Meal Replacement Supplement - Cold pizza and warm beer.

17. Clean and Press - Surprisingly enough, it’s a shoulder exercise, not laundry instructions. A variation of it is even known as Hang Clean and Press.

18. High Intensity Interval Training - Occurs when there are two or more flights of stairs leading up to gym.

19. Skullcrushers - An exercise where you make like you’re going to bash your own head in with a barbell, a.k.a. lying tricep extensions.

20. "Hold contraction at top and squeeze for 10 seconds" - Said by a personal trainer when he or she wants to punish client for missing a session.

Now that you’ve got an idea of what is being said at gym, you’ll be able to converse comfortably with natives. You will be completely understood in any gym in world when you walk in and say "I just did two sets of high intensity intervals and now I’m ready for some forced reps" or "I’m taking a lot of meal replacement supplements because I’m bulking up."

* Become A Catholic Priest In Two Short Weeks

* Here Is The Information You Requested On Llama Breeding

These are just a sample of some of subject lines that I have seen in my inbox. I assume they were SPAM since I don't remember every requesting any information about any of those subjects. Although one about selling squid did seem interesting. Which brings me to a question. If you know that an email is SPAM but subject line is just sooo darn catchy, is it wrong to open email? Do I become an accessory to spamming? Am I aiding and abetting known spammers? I sure hope not because truthfully every now and then I open an email that I know is SPAM just to see what it's about. It's just that some of those spammers have gotten so good with their subject lines that I just can't help myself. For instance I'm GOING to open emails with subject lines like:

* Free Fried Chicken For Life

* Fast Hemorrhoid Relief

* Drink ALL You Want And Never Get Drunk

* Drew Barrymore and Tara Banks Want To Meet You (Another quick note to spammers: If you were online law breaker who sent me unsolicited email about Drew and Tara could you please send it to me again. I think I accidentally deleted it. Thanks. P.S. If you have anything about Angelina Jolie send that too.)

* Even Faster Hemorrhoid Relief

* Stop Premature Balding

* Legally Get Back All The Money You've Ever Blown On Women

There are some of you who probably think it's deplorable that I admit to reading emails that I know are SPAM. You probably think that people like me are reason spammers keep spamming. You probably think I'm just as bad as spammers. You're probably trying to figure out who my ISP is at this very moment so you can report me. All I can say in my defense is: I'm only human. And I only do it on weekends.

In conclusion, even though I've poked fun at anti-spammers in this article, I do feel that spamming is wrong and illegal. My purpose in writing this article was just to bring a little humor to otherwise ever-so-serious SPAM table. Whether you're an avid anti-spammer and a card-carrying member of Coalition Against Unsolicited Commercial Email or a lazy Delete-It-And-Forget-About-It slacker like me, you'll probably agree that spammers need to stopped. Anyone caught spamming should be punished. And I know ideal punishment. They should be forced to clean my house and keep my llamas fed while I'm on my 2 month vacation in Uzbekistan with Drew Barrymore, eating fried chicken-hemorrhoid free.

************************************************* ************************************************* The Internet is far too serious these days. You need a break from all gurus and money-making schemes and paid email ads. You also need a new car, a babysitter for Wednesday night, and a good plumber. Unfortunately, I can only help you with Internet stuff. Visit me at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/onlinejester to join my mailing list so you can receive more entertaining articles that poke fun at all things Internet. ************************************************* *************************************************