Country Pastimes 3: Impromptu farm concerts

Written by Simon Mitchell

Continued from page 1

With Asrepparttar Saints Come Marching On one of them peeled out for a little canter roundrepparttar 147237 field. Yes it was getting hot andrepparttar 147238 temperature was rising. These wonderful bovines were so appreciative of music and gave me a bigger audience and better reception than I received inrepparttar 147239 village.

When I played a Blues Train Coming piece a couple of them started mooing, providing startling animal lyrics in accompaniment. I played some music from a 'Simply Red' song and they rushed forwards aggressively, pawingrepparttar 147240 ground.

Farm animals really enjoy music and even if you playrepparttar 147241 simplest instrument you will find an appreciative and uncritical audience with sheep, cows, bullocks or horses. Just remember to position yourself carefully out of reach or you may get mobbed.

Flushed with success I performedrepparttar 147242 set again byrepparttar 147243 pond onrepparttar 147244 way home and attracted a crowd of what must have been 100,000 gnats who swirled in time, particularly likingrepparttar 147245 D#, so much so that they flew intorepparttar 147246 harmonica, blockingrepparttar 147247 notes.

No responsibility for any injuries incurred by anyone undertaking this activity are accepted by this author.

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The Bare Truth About My Butt Quiz

Written by Timothy Ward

Continued from page 1

Needless to say, I failedrepparttar quiz. I got 8 out of 15 right. That's about 60 percent. An 'F' in almost all 50 states. Even New Jersey. I, Tim Ward, humor columnist and straight male could not distinguish betweenrepparttar 147028 gluteus maximus ofrepparttar 147029 male and female gender. I started to wonder: Were some ofrepparttar 147030 butts that I said were female really male? If so, does that mean I find some men's butts attractive? Do I have a male butt fetsih that I didn't know about? Do I secretly enjoy slapping guys onrepparttar 147031 butt after a good sports play? And what aboutrepparttar 147032 woman's butts that I classified incorrectly? Has it really been that long since I've seen a bare female behind? Am I forgetting whatrepparttar 147033 female body looks like?

All these questions have been running through my head since I failed my first Butt Quiz. It got torepparttar 147034 point where I'm thinking about scheduling a retest. But this time I'll be sure to plenty of studying in advance. So ladies, if you see me taking large hard looks at your posterior region, I'm not a pervert, I'm just doing a little research. And torepparttar 147035 fellas, forgive me if I give more thatrepparttar 147036 usual amount of congratulatory butt slaps onrepparttar 147037 basketball court for awhile. I'm just trying to further my education...And maybe work through a fetish or two.

You can takerepparttar 147038 Butt Quiz for yourself at:

Timothy Ward invites you to subscribe to his weekly humor column 'I Never Said I Was Normal' at

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