Conversational Negative Self-talkWritten by Skye Thomas
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My daughter came home from school a couple of months ago and every other word was 'like.' Like there was this kid at school and like they were like so out of control! The teacher like had to like send them to office because like they wouldn't sit down and like respect class. I giggled to myself as I stood there fixing dinner and listening to her 13-year-old lingo. I asked her if she knew how much she was saying 'like.' She argued that she wasn't saying it. Just like a lot of people would argue that they aren't' guilty of negative self-talk. So, as she carried on her conversation for next few minutes, I just said, "like" right after she did. Over and over, I'd just quietly say, "like" until we were both able to laugh together. She was quickly able to alter her speech patterns once she was forced into awareness. It can really be that simple. Offer to help your friend to overcome their automated negative comments by playing same game with them. If they are guilty of saying a particular derogatory statement repeatedly, then offer to help them to break pattern. If you can admit to yourself that you are one of those people who says negative things about yourself without even really thinking about it, then ask someone to help you to stop. You would be amazed at how quickly you can stop behavior if someone will just make you take notice. Self-awareness is key to ending negative self-talk. If you are too embarrassed to ask for help, or you don't have anyone that you would trust enough to help you, then you're going to have to make a huge effort to become more aware of words you speak during casual conversation. It's much more difficult, but still doable. Imagine that negative statements are cuss words. You wouldn't want to throw those kinds of words out around your boss would you? You wouldn't want to use them around children would you? You wouldn't use them around your grandma would you? Attach same 'no way!' attitude to those negative self-talk statements. Start really listening to yourself. There's really no need to beat yourself up when you catch yourself rattling off these statements, just take notice and make a promise to yourself that you'll stop. Keep noticing, until you do stop. Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge
Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow's Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. Her books and articles have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. To read more of her articles, sign up to receive her free weekly newsletter, and get free previews of her books go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net.
| | How to Recognize Stress Before it Turns Into AngerWritten by Dr. Tony Fiore
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For instance, notice muscle tension, pounding heart, raising voice, irritation, dry mouth, or erratic movements. What you see is what you get: For a potential stressor to affect us -stress us out - we have to first perceive it or experience it as a stressor. Gaining a new perspective on stressing situation can often drastically change effect it has on us. Our stress response can indeed be a response (something we can control) instead of a knee-jerk reaction (which is automatic). Examples: Cut off on freeway? “It is not personal. That guy has a problem. I will stay calm.” Bullied by a co-worker? “If I react, he wins. Later, I will privately let him know how I feel about what he did. If that doesn’t work, I’ll discuss it with our manager.” Stress-Guard your life: You can also make many life-style changes to reduce or minimize feeling stressed-out, even if you can’t change some of your actual stressors For instance, manage your time better, establish priorities, protect yourself from toxic relationships, and find a way to manage your money better, or consider changing your job or occupation. Other stress-guards include those you have probably heard before, but maybe need to do more frequently such as: ¨getting adequate rest, ¨eating a healthy diet, ¨avoiding excessive alcohol intake, ¨living in a way consistent with your core personal values, ¨developing social networks of friends and support. Stress is most easily defined as a series of bodily responses to demands made upon us called stressors. It’s important to recognize these stress responses and develop techniques to lessen impact.
Dr. Tony Fiore is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples, and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter "Taming The Anger Bee" at www.angercoach.com and receive two bonus reports.
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