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The part of Sam that believed that he wasn’t good enough is his wounded self. The basis of wounded self in all of us is our core shame false belief – belief that we are inherently flawed. Our wounded self does not know that we are a perfect child of God, an individual expression of Divine. Because wounded self operates out of false beliefs rather than from truth of who we really are, it wants to control how people feel about us. Sam needed to develop a loving Adult part of himself – a part of himself connected to a spiritual Source of love and truth – in order to heal his core shame.
The Six Step Inner Bonding process is a profound process for developing loving Adult and for healing fears and limiting beliefs of wounded self. As Sam started to practice Inner Bonding, he slowly developed an Adult self who loved and valued his core Self, his true essence. As he developed this inner sense of personal power, he lost his fear of rejection. He saw that if a woman rejected him, it was because of her fears rather than because of his inadequacy or unlovability. Because he stopped taking rejection personally, he stopped fearing it.
Once he stopped fearing rejection, he stopped giving himself up in his attempt to control how a woman felt about him. Once he stopped giving himself up, he stopped feel trapped and engulfed in a relationship.
Over time, by consistently practicing Six Steps of Inner Bonding, Sam developed a powerful inner loving Adult self and healed his fears of rejection and engulfment. Sam is now happily married with a child on way.
This did not happen quickly. It took Sam time to heal his false beliefs about his own adequacy and lovability. It took time to develop a personal relationship with a spiritual Source of love and truth. It took time to be in truth with a woman rather than being “nice” to try to control how she felt about him. It took time for him to feel safe in being himself. It took a couple of years of devoted inner work.
But if you were to ask Sam if all time it took was worth it, he would look at you with shining eyes and a huge grin and you would feel joy within him. You would have no doubt that it was worth whatever time it took.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at email@example.com.