Communication 101

Written by Thom Rutledge

Continued from page 1

4. Problem Solve with Benevolence. Be certain to clarify your intention (especially in conflict communication) as seeking a satisfactory outcome for both of you. Find common ground on which to base your communication (i.e. “We each want to be heard completely and accurately,” and/or “We need to make a decision about . . . “) Avoid seeking agreement about perceptions or feelings as a communication goal. There must be room for both of you to win.

5. Future Orient to Problem Solve. Those who forgetrepparttar past are, in fact, doomed to repeat it. True. But those who won’t let go ofrepparttar 131426 past may also be contributing to its repetition. In conflict communication it is best to state complaints about past behaviors clearly and concisely, and then to “future orient.” That is, sink most of your energy into describing and/or requesting what you want or need from your partner beginning now. You must be willing to takerepparttar 131427 chance that your partner wants to and can change along with you. (If you are not able to muster any faith that your partner is willing and/or capable of change, you are probably not working onrepparttar 131428 most serious problem in your relationship. Get some help.)

6. Take Breaks. Each of you must haverepparttar 131429 authority to call time out. And each of you must learn to respect time outs when they are called. Call time out when you recognize old, dysfunctional patterns of communication taking over. (They seem to have a life of their own.) When you call time out, it is imperative that you later initiate a time to talk again. Don’t just leave it hanging.

7. Backtrack. This is my favorite tool, probably because I have had to use it so often. All progress is not forward. Sometimesrepparttar 131430 best you can do is stop mid-mistake, apologize and ask for an opportunity to try again (“do overs” I believe we used to call them). But be careful to not ask for that chance if you do not think you can follow through with some new and improved communication. If you are not ready yet, try apologizing and step back to step 6: take a break.

Keep this collection of tools handy, and make use of themrepparttar 131431 next time you experience a communication problem. Better yet, use them before you experience a communication problem. And remember: You cannot solve many problems from adversarial positions. Work to stay onrepparttar 131432 same side ofrepparttar 131433 problem, and practice having conversations to "convey" rather than to "convince."

Thom Rutledge is a psychotherapist and the author of several books. Contact:

Choose Ones that Cry

Written by Ruth Marlene Friesen

Continued from page 1

People with a tender conscience are able to hearrepparttar voice of God, and arerepparttar 131424 most likely to experience His angels carrying and protecting them. You're safer in their presence than on your own.

Those with a clear conscience before God will be happier and content with little things, and not so likely to be demanding of you. It also means you'll seldom find them bitter and thus withering in their bones, and drying you up with them.

Be unashamed when your friends's a good sign they are not afraid to be vulnerable, for onlyrepparttar 131425 vulnerable allows themselvesrepparttar 131426 luxury of loving and being loved. They also know intuitively that if you want to handle roses you'll have to accept some thorn scratches.

Smile, don't fightrepparttar 131427 tear trembling in your own eye, and join inrepparttar 131428 anguish or joys ofrepparttar 131429 moment.

If you're shopping around for new friends because one has wounded or disappointed you, go amongrepparttar 131430 kind, gentle people, and watch for one who weeps or laughs easily, is open and vulnerable, and with a clear, tender conscience. Now show that onerepparttar 131431 same kind of loyal care, openness, and identify with this one's pain or joy.

Blessings on your new friendship!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Ruth Marlene Friesen, makes friends everywhere, just like her alter ego, the heroine of her novel, Ruthe's Secret Roses. Discover the secrets of intentional friendship that transforms lives at Subscribe to RoseBouquet to drink refreshing rose dew! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

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