That's a great way to look at how our minds respond when we feel relaxed and stress-free. We don't snap at our kids or get cranky with our co-workers. We get our tasks completed in a way that is efficient and without unnecessary action, emotion, or distraction. We have a point to which we return continually as we go through our day. There is no overreaction or failure to respond.

Still. Ripple. Still.

The only leak in this "mind like water" discussion is that Allen sticks with tried-and-true "empty mind" terminology. That's too bad. It would have been a perfect opportunity to switch to clear!

When "empty mind" concept becomes a barrier, slip into "clear mind" instead. After all, a pond is not empty. It is clear. Plenty of water. Rocks and mud at bottom. Fish swimming here and there. If water is clear, you can see it all and finest details become magnified as they pop into view.

The important aspect is our ability to see whatever we need to see. What happens when you toss a stone into an empty pond? Not much. It makes a thud on muddy bottom. Sure, you can see it. But what's point?

Your mind will continue to have thoughts. Don't expect to avoid them. Drop idea that you can remain "thoughtless" and embrace value of seeing those thoughts clearly.

You've spent years filling your head. Mindfulness gives you clarity to see what's going on in there without having to dump contents first. By releasing notion of emptiness, you can step into power of clarity.

Empty mind? Clear mind? Choose image that works for you.

I'll cast my vote for clear.

6. Do you feel good about yourself without your partner's validation? Infatuation depends on others for validation. When you truly love someone, you have a genuine sense of security, confidence, self-reliance and self-respect. Life is complete with or without your beloved. You're aware that you and your partner have different gifts. You approve of yourself just as much as you approve of your partner. You take responsibility for your own life and you allow your partner to take responsibility for his or her own life. You can feel complete without your partner.

7. Are you able to give as well as receive? True love makes giving of yourself to other person as easy and as fulfilling as getting something back. The relationship is much more than what you are getting out of it. The give and take are shared. Infatuation is want, need, but real love is abundant and fulfilling. When we are fulfilled, we find it easy to give. We can give even as we are receiving, by utilizing what other has to offer for our own spiritual growth. This is a most powerful form of giving for it gives meaning to other person's gifts.

8. Do you have a life of your own? With real love, you don't live for other person completely. You still have your own direction in life. You're not afraid to "take your space" or to give some to your partner. You allow enough space to let winds of heaven dance between you. Other relationships, activities and interests continue to be important to you. You see goodness in all people, not just your partner. Time and space can't separate you. It's impossible to feel unfulfilled when you are truly in love because you can always feel your beloved's presence, therein lies fulfillment.

9. How would you feel if your love was unrequited? Could you love other person enough to respect his or her choices, even if those choices exclude you? Real love needs nothing in order to live. It is not dependent on being loved in return. With true love, you are more focused on "now moments" of relationship than on future or outcome of it. Whether or not your love is returned is of no consequence when you truly love another. You may feel sad if your beloved doesn't love you back, but it won't stop you from loving.

10. Does your love endure? If love is true, relationship will remain strong under strains of life. The relationship is more than just joy and happiness. You can cry together, suffer together and even be angry together. But whatever your experience, love will always remain. It is eternal. Infatuation will either develop into true love or it will die.

If after reading this you've discovered that you are infatuated and not really in love, take heart! Real love doesn't try to force a relationship to grow. It respects its natural pace. But you can greatly increase your relationship's chances of moving to next level by learning what people in true love do and following that example.

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