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My clever rejoinder,
“Mam, I have nothing against animals, but I have lots against dogs being brought into my yard to crap all over it. But, all in fairness given this situation, I have a proposition for you to consider.”
“And that proposition is?”
“I will allow your Spoofy here to relieve himself right out here in my front yard if I can be extended
same privilege.”
This Miss Prunella look-alike looked somewhat perplexed, so she asked,
“What do you mean by being extended
same privilege?”
“Well, if it’s okay for my yard to be used as a public pet toilet, I would like permission to use yours as well.”
“You can’t be serious!”
“Well sure I am. If you would kindly give me your address,
next time I’m driving by with a full bladder resulting from
sucking down of several Diet Mountain Dews, I’ll pull over and relieve myself on one of your trees. Since you live almost a mile away this could be great for me when I experience one of those times that I don’t think I can make it home before downloading certain bodily fluids.”
“Absolutely not! Absolutely not! I will not grant you permission to urinate in my yard!”
“Well mam, then we’re even, as I’m not gonna grant you permission to let Fido here create artwork out on my front lawn.”
With all that having been said, she stormed off in a huff, pulling little Spoofy along with her. I did feel a little sorry for
poor dog, but I felt a whole lot better for me and for
condition of my yard. I guess that sometimes you encounter situations where you just can’t let people or dogs crap all over you, not even an old blue haired lady with a dog named Spoofy who’d sure like to. Sometimes, I think it’s actually good for certain people to be mad at you and not want to be around you, especially if they’re old biddies walking four legged poop factories along with them. And just think, if I’d dropped my guard and actually allowed this, she might drop by next week with a pet goose, and we all know what a sweet situation that’d be....

Ed’s latest book, “Rough As A Cob,“ can be ordered by calling River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He’s also a popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of Southeastern publications. You can contact him via email at: ed3@ed-williams.com, or through his web site address at: www.ed-williams.com.