And then there was garden of course. I expertly discovered ley lines that relate to drainage system. This should have been done privately.

However, we live in a quiet, semi-retired, semi-detached area, and my tracking drainage caused district net curtains to act as if there was a tornado approaching.

We rent house we currently live in and our landlord is slow when it comes to getting things done, so, in a way, metal detector really came into its own when I decided to phone our landlord. There’s a ladder on our roof that has been there all year and it’s been annoying me, so I thought I’d have him on toast. The phone call went like this.

“Hello, Bob, it’s Holmes here. I bought a metal detector today and discovered there’s a ladder on roof. This could attract burglars, surely.”

There was such a pause at other end of line. I could hear confused steam coming from his ears as he got this mental image of my scaling house with a metal detector.

The ladder is still there. All that’s changed is landlord now seems incredibly wary of me when he collects rent each month…

Now, where did I put washing machine?

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