A potential problem I see occurring when children don’t have their own money is a possible desire to steal, be it from their parent’s wallet or something cool they feel they have to have from a store. Without ability to “earn” or make money fairly, they might feel only way to attain something they want is to take it. Naturally, we teach our children that stealing is wrong but when kids, or adults for that matter, feel helpless they tend to take morality into their own hands. Besides, kids need to learn fiscal responsibility. I think earlier we allow them to experience rewards and triumphs of good spending habits, better judges of value they will become.

One controversy is paying children for doing chores. This is a tough call. I have just begun implementing mandatory chores in our home. Considering it’s never been one of my better parenting abilities, I’m still struggling through details. I have been known to threaten their allowance if they don’t do their chores but it doesn’t really work way I want it to. My older daughter decides if it’s “worth” it at that point and that’s not point at all, is it? So, I’m backtracking on this one and being firmer about chores just getting done and trying not to threaten their livelihood.

I think allowance is a great teaching tool when given in spirit of generosity and practicality. It’s never too early to learn or teach responsibility and when we consider that allowance is a good math lesson, we’ve just added to our children’s knowledge base considerably.

6. For consequences to be effective, children involved must see them as logical.

7. The purpose of using natural and logical consequences is to motivate children to make responsible decisions, not to force their submission.

8. Apply logical consequences approach in proper sequence:

· Provide choices and accept child's decision while using a friendly tone of voice that communicates your good will.

· While following through, assure child that he may try again later.

· If misbehavior is repeated, extend time that must elapse before he may try again.

9. Consequences are effective only if you do not use hidden motives of winning and controlling.

10. Be both firm and kind when correcting children's misbehavior. Firmness refers to your follow-through behavior; kindness refers to manner in which you present them with choices.

11. Talk less, listen and act more. Lead them into proper behavior by setting example.

12. When you do things for children that they could do for themselves, you are robbing them of opportunity for self-respect and responsibility.

13. Avoid fighting or quarreling; they indicate a lack of respect for other person. Avoid giving in; it indicates disrespect for yourself.

14. Be patient! It takes time for natural and logical consequences to become effective.

Follow these principles and watch your relationship with your children and spouse improve, self-discipline of your children increase, and, perhaps most importantly, your patience and love for them return.

Remember: When you help your children to maximize their potential, everyone wins. When you don't, we all lose.

* Based on principles of STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting) developed by Don Dinkmeyer, Ph.D. and Gary D. McKay, Ph.D. © MMIV, Etienne A. Gibbs, MSW