In my own case, when I could no longer turn to my grandmother for financial help, and still continued to try to enforce child support payment, result was that I was sued for custody. The motive was revenge.

I did not have money to hire an attorney to represent me throughout custody litigation process. As a result, I was railroaded. I unjustly lost primary custody of my children. When this happened, I felt like I lost my soul.

My advise to you as a single parent is to do all you can to maintain open, cordial, civil communication with your former spouse. Be grateful for whatever they contribute. Do not seek to get more, for you risk losing everything.

When you are dependent upon another person for survival of both yourself and your children, you remain a victim. A victim of dependency. A victim of revolving your time and energy around other person, when you could use that time to better yourself, and your own finances, for your children.

Is this fair? Taking personal responsibility to fulfill your parental obligations is empowering. It leaves you with a feeling of satisfaction, and pride in watching yourself rise, despite all obstacles. Is it fair that other parent “get away” with it all? They cannot get away with their own conscience. If they are not giving to their children, they will find their children are not willing to give to them in return when they are grown.

What you sew you shall reap. Give to your children. Do best you can. Let other parent “get away” with whatever they choose. In end, they will find they have lost out on sharing their lives with their children, while you will have your children through your old age.

Hindsight is 20/20 vision. I wasted time, money and energy chasing after child support. As a result, I have bi-weekly visitation rights with children I gave birth to. Is this fair? No. It is a travesty. I hope to spare you this same injustice and agony. Take whatever your former spouse is willing to give, say thank you, and leave rest alone.

In her nationally praised seminars and workshops, Author, public speaker and columnist Barbara Rose shares the secrets of turning tragedy into triumph. Her books; Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth, and Your Life; and If God Was Like Man (Publication Date April, 2003) share profound, inspiring insight. Please visit her website http://www.borntoinspire.com

Do everything you do not want to do. Do it for your children. If you do, your children will be by your side in your old age. If you do not, you will find yourself alone when you are old.

Many laws have changed in last thirty-five years: child support enforcement laws and custody regulations. But courts cannot enforce healthy, open communication between parents. And courts cannot impose on us one thing that will make all difference for each of us. It comes from inside. It is love.

Love and heal your self. Love and honor your children. Then and only then will you and your children know peace.

If your former spouse is not fulfilling their court ordered obligations, let it go. Stop trying to enforce what they are not willing to adhere to. You have no control over them.

Focus on being best parent to your child when you are with them.

Never speak negatively about other parent, show other parent disrespect in front of children, or cause children to feel they should take sides.

Allow children their birthright to express love to both parents.

Be grateful for whatever other parent contributes to lives of your children, and stop seeking to get more.

You will find that when your energy is spent on genuinely accepting, and sharing parental responsibility with your former spouse, for sake of your children, rather than continuing a war, your children will thrive emotionally. They will bear no psychological scars. They will learn gifts of open dialogue, rather than receive pain as they witness a silent war between two parents they are a part of.

As divorced parents, do everything you can to create a pleasant atmosphere with your former spouse for your children. This may be an unwilling sacrifice for you, but it is a gift for your children.

In her nationally praised seminars and workshops, Author, public speaker and columnist Barbara Rose shares the secrets of turning tragedy into triumph. Her books; Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth, and Your Life; and If God Was Like Man (Publication Date April, 2003) share profound, inspiring insight. Please visit her website http://www,borntoinspire.com