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That happened thirteen years ago. And today I heard of his death. He was twenty years my senior but I still thought that he was rather young to meet his creator. He has brought along to his grave secret that we both shared.
OhÖNo, I have not forgiven. This man whom my parents trusted and whom I regard as an uncle has shattered my youthful spirit, my dignity and my whole life.
If only my parentís, teachers and friends knew why I misbehaved, probably they would feel more compassionate. But I canít bear to tell my mom. It would break her heart. And dad was never around. And when he was it was like I did not exist.
My soul weeps in pain. There I was, a ten year old girl who has not even physically developed myself into a woman. There was nothing about me that would have enticed anyone sexually.
I felt I was not worthy enough for anyone, not even myself. I punished myself by having illicit affairs. I did drugs and almost took my own life. And I when I awakened on hospital bed, I was still fully alive. As years went by, I was only a few steps away from a correction home or jail.
It was a long and painful journey to remove guilt and shame that I carried with me. It was a journey of pain and sufferings, of identifying my personality and my sense of self.
It was courage, determination and a decision to fight back that brought me back my life. I have punished myself enough and I was destroying my life more than what he did to me. I finally admitted that it was not my fault. I was one of unfortunate children to have to go through sexual abuse.
No amount of crying and punishing myself would bring back what could have been.
Fatimah Musa provides information, tips and quotes to help people become aware that any future success starts with their personal growth. You can visit Fatimah at http://www.about-personal-growth.com