Written by Rev. James L. Snyder

Continued from page 1

Why is it that whenever I try to help someone it never really works out? Only my psychoanalyst knows for sure.

Inrepparttar best of spirits, I crossedrepparttar 118118 street and approachedrepparttar 118119 steps leading up torepparttar 118120 porch where Andy,repparttar 118121 young chap, struggled to ringrepparttar 118122 elusive doorbell.

"Hello, Andy," I yelled as I took that first step, which I soon learned actually wasrepparttar 118123 first step toward trouble. Andy looked at me and sheepishly grinned. Anyone who knows anything about little boys knows this means trouble.

At that point, I remembered reading about a man who had a practical philosophy concerning little boys. "Whenever you meet a young boy onrepparttar 118124 street," he exhorted, "always stop and give that young man a good thrashing." He went on to explain this extreme action. "The young man in question has either come from some trouble, or is going to some trouble. In either case, he needs it."

I must admit that I have come close, not quite, to embracing this philosophy. Andy fit this description perfectly. If Andy survived any day without getting into trouble, it was not from any effort on his part.

Alas, atrepparttar 118125 time ofrepparttar 118126 incident, I did not posses such knowledge. Instead, I walked right into trouble.

"Let me help you, Andy," I offered.

"Preacher, I can't reachrepparttar 118127 door bell."

"No problem," I assured him in all my innocence. "I'll get it for you."

With a St. Francis of Assisi grin, I vigorously rangrepparttar 118128 doorbell n not once, but several times.

Looking at Andy, who at this time had a smile racing all over his freckled face, I naively said to him, "Now what, Andy?"

"Now, preacher," Andy screamed with delight as he leaped offrepparttar 118129 porch, "we run like crazy."

Atrepparttar 118130 next church council, I had a difficult time convincing everyone that I was notrepparttar 118131 notorious doorbell ringer who had been plaguingrepparttar 118132 community for weeks. Convincing any of my innocence with good old sister Brandywhine, whose doorbell I enthusiastically rang, proved hopeless.

Nobody ever quite believed my innocence, and who wants to hide behind a little boy? From then on little Andy always greeted me withrepparttar 118133 biggest grin possible for a little lad.

Eating crow has spiritual dimensions to anyone willing to pursuerepparttar 118134 issue. Sometimes it is better to be wrongfully accused and keeprepparttar 118135 peace than to demand innocence.

Jesus made this point when he said, "But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to himrepparttar 118136 other also." (Matthew 5:39 KJV.)

It was then that I learned eating crow is better than cackling like a chicken.

REv. James L. Snyder is an award winning author and popular columnist living with his wife Martha in Ocala, FL.


Written by Victoria Elizabeth

Continued from page 1

"From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it." (Katharine Whitehorn, “The Office Party,” in Roundabout, 1962)

"At Christmas I no more desire a rose Than wish a snow in May’s new-fangled mirth; But like of each thing that in season grows." (William Shakespeare, Love’s Labour ’s Lost. Act i. Sc. 1.)

"Christmas begins aboutrepparttar first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth ofrepparttar 118117 next year." (P.J. O'Rourke, Modern Manners, 1984)

"For a halo up in heaven I have never been too keen. Who needs another gadget That a fellow has to clean." (E.Y. Yarburg, The Man who has Everything, 1965)

"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Answer: Claustrophobic" (Anonymous)


Step 1: Go buy a turkey Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch) OR JD Step 3: Put turkey inrepparttar 118118 oven Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey Step 5: Setrepparttar 118119 degree at 375 ovens Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink Step 7: Turn ovenrepparttar 118120 on Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky Step 9: Turkrepparttar 118121 bastey Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get Step 11: Stick a turkey inrepparttar 118122 thermometer Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey Step 13: Bakerepparttar 118123 whiskey for 4 hours Step 14: Takerepparttar 118124 oven out ofrepparttar 118125 turkey Step 15: Takerepparttar 118126 oven out ofrepparttar 118127 turkey Step 16: Floorrepparttar 118128 turkey up off ofrepparttar 118129 pick Step 17: Turkrepparttar 118130 carvey Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch Step 19: Tetrepparttar 118131 sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey


Victoria Elizabeth, "The Quipping Queen" can usually be found musing about Life, the Universe and Everything in between from her sandcastle in the sky (conveniently located at

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