Written by Victoria Elizabeth

Continued from page 1

"From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it." (Katharine Whitehorn, “The Office Party,” in Roundabout, 1962)

"At Christmas I no more desire a rose Than wish a snow in May’s new-fangled mirth; But like of each thing that in season grows." (William Shakespeare, Love’s Labour ’s Lost. Act i. Sc. 1.)

"Christmas begins aboutrepparttar first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth ofrepparttar 118117 next year." (P.J. O'Rourke, Modern Manners, 1984)

"For a halo up in heaven I have never been too keen. Who needs another gadget That a fellow has to clean." (E.Y. Yarburg, The Man who has Everything, 1965)

"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Answer: Claustrophobic" (Anonymous)


Step 1: Go buy a turkey Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch) OR JD Step 3: Put turkey inrepparttar 118118 oven Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey Step 5: Setrepparttar 118119 degree at 375 ovens Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink Step 7: Turn ovenrepparttar 118120 on Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky Step 9: Turkrepparttar 118121 bastey Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get Step 11: Stick a turkey inrepparttar 118122 thermometer Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey Step 13: Bakerepparttar 118123 whiskey for 4 hours Step 14: Takerepparttar 118124 oven out ofrepparttar 118125 turkey Step 15: Takerepparttar 118126 oven out ofrepparttar 118127 turkey Step 16: Floorrepparttar 118128 turkey up off ofrepparttar 118129 pick Step 17: Turkrepparttar 118130 carvey Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch Step 19: Tetrepparttar 118131 sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey


Victoria Elizabeth, "The Quipping Queen" can usually be found musing about Life, the Universe and Everything in between from her sandcastle in the sky (conveniently located at


Written by By Rev. James L. Snyder

Continued from page 1

He once told me he had eaten about every kind of bird there was inrepparttar state of Florida. Then with a twinkle in his eye he would say, "Course, some you needed ‘bout a dozen or so to make a good sandwich."

He frequently came to my church study, and when he should have been mowingrepparttar 118116 lawn and I should have been busy with church work, he regaled me with enchanting stories of those early days in Florida.

It wasn't long before I could repeat his stories, as well as he. Towardrepparttar 118117 end, he would confuserepparttar 118118 stories and mix them up somewhat, but I never corrected him. I was tempted, but they were his stories and I figure a man should have liberty in telling his stories any way he pleases.

We would be talking in my office andrepparttar 118119 telephone would ring. We would look atrepparttar 118120 ringing telephone and he would laugh. "Bet I know who's callin'."

He was always right. It was his wife, wondering where her husband was, who should've been home an hour ago.

During my interview at my present church, he was onrepparttar 118121 examining board. All throughrepparttar 118122 interview, he sat there just looking me over, not saying a word. Finally, atrepparttar 118123 end he spoke up.

"All I want to know is, Pastor, when wasrepparttar 118124 last time you went fishin'?"

Atrepparttar 118125 time, I did not know what he meant and mumbled something torepparttar 118126 effect that I was too busy for such nonsense. He just smiled. A smile I was to come to know and appreciate.

He had a way of saying something to you without ruffling your feathers, but more important, he knew when he had said enough.

Years later I know exactly what he meant.

I'm reminded of a saying of another friend of mine, "Either come apart and rest awhile, or you'll simply come apart."

During these busy days, it is easy to forget how important it is to slow down and take everything in stride. It'srepparttar 118127 same old story; so much to do and so little time.

The Bible states this truth in a wonderful way. "There remaineth therefore a rest torepparttar 118128 people of God. For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his. Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall afterrepparttar 118129 same example of unbelief." (Hebrews 4:9-11 KJV.)

If it is true that everyone has a double, I fully expect to meet me coming around a corner, somewhere.

Rev. James L. Snyder is an award winning author and popular columnist living with his wife, Martha, in Ocala, FL.

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