If marriage checkups are like vehicle inspections, then peeking under hood and glancing at maintenance records of any pre-owned vehicle is always a good idea. And taking a new vehicle out for a spin before purchasing it is wise plan of action. But, doing an “all points” check on one’s marriage relationship? That requires some heavy duty pondering and light-hearted reflection.

Can’t you just see those advertisements now.

-- Better late than never to examine your “wheels” …'cause you never know when you’ll need to roll right out of town fast.

-- Check those “fluid levels” … after all, springing a leak could put a damper on things, not to mention leave you with a big mess and a hefty clean-up bill attached.

-- And don't forget to inspect your “crank shaft”... on second thought, that could be a real downer -- try something easier like "spark plugs" (...to see where your get-up-and-go got up and went silly willy).

So, if anyone called Cupid offers you a time-limited, “two-for-one” deal -- like a free-marriage check-up together with a complete tune-up, oil change and lube job –- I’d jump at chance.

Remember, squeaky wheel always gets grease. So, make sure you stock up on lots of Love Potion #9. After all, love will still make world go round (especially when they run out of oil)!

And if that doesn’t work, just pick up a copy of “Sex in Snow” –- it’s great bedtime reading material. Just make sure you consume it with a plucky partner who also adores a plate full of sugar-free crumbly cookies, and a glass of cold, lactose-free 2% milk.

C. Restate your point.

Vary The Types

The above formula would get boring and redundant rather quickly if you used exact same type of humor every time for part B. By varying type of humor in B, you can go on virtually forever, and no one will recognize that you are using a formula. I have identified more than 34 different types of humor to plug into formula. You could use one liners, jokes, humorous props, funny stories, magic, cartoons or other funny visuals.

Rule Of Three

One of most pervasive principles in construction of humorous situations is "Rule of Three." You will see it used over and over because it's simple, it's powerful, and it works. (See, I just used it there in a non-funny situation.) Most of time in humor Rule of Three is used in following fashion: The first comment names topic, second sets a pattern, and third unexpectedly switches pattern, making it funny. Here's an example from a brochure advertising my seminars:

In "How to Get There" section

From Washington, D.C., take Route 50.

From Baltimore, Md., take Route 95.

From Bangkok, Thailand, board Thai Airways.

Look Funnier

I have been accused of being too "corporate-looking¡¨ to be funny. When I'm being funny, I use facial expressions, odd body angles and bizarre comments and props to make up for my "normal" look. Those of you that have obvious physical characteristics that can be used in teasing yourself have an advantage. People love characters who are not afraid of teasing themselves. You can enhance funny look with fun patterns and colors on ties and dresses, hats and funny glasses.

Bombproof Your Talks

Are you afraid of bombing when you get up in front of a group? You don't have to be. With proper material selection, a few prepared comments in case of unexpected problems and attention to time, worries about bombing can be virtually eliminated. As in tip above, make sure your material is relevant to your topic, and keep it short. The longer a piece of humor is, funnier it better be.

A. Saver Lines

Saver Lines are what you say when your supposedly humorous statement does not get a laugh. You shouldn't be ashamed to use saver lines. The top comedians in world need them and some purposely make mistakes so they can get a laugh from saver line. Johnny Carson was an expert at this. After a poor response to a joke, he would say a comically insulting line like, "This is kind of crowd that would watch Bambi through a sniper scope." Don't overdo saver lines. If you have to use too many, your material must be pretty bad.

B. Pre-Planned Ad-Libs

Another way to keep from bombing is to "expect unexpected." Canned or pre-planned ad-libs are pre-written responses to unexpected happenings or mistakes that occur during a presentation, i.e., microphone squeals, projection bulb burns out, you say wrong thing, etc. Prepared ad-libs actually do more than just save you. They make you look tremendously polished. Here's continuum: A bad presenter will stammer around when a problem occurs. A ZZZZZs presenter will say nothing and try to ignore problem. A great Wake 'em Up presenter will make a witty comment that appears to be spontaneous. The audience believes you are originating humor on spot. You are just quickly recalling pre-planned responses.

Microphone Squeals

This is portion of my presentation where I do my elephant impression.

Projector Light Burns Out

This is first time I have been brighter than my equipment.

Highlighter Runs Out Of Ink I'm out of ink. I'll be back in a wink. (remember . . . "k" words are funny)

Think Diversity

Our audiences are more ethnically diverse than ever before, so it's crucial to watch your political correctness and eliminate sexist language from your presentation. Not only is it easy to offend, which will turn your audience off completely, easily understandable word choice is more critical than ever to ensure that your audience members "get" humor. When speaking across cultural lines, especially, visual humor such as magic, cartoons and comic strips are most readily understood.

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