Building a Good Relationship

Written by Richard J. Krejcir

Continued from page 1

One ofrepparttar first signs of love is seen when you desire what is best forrepparttar 122073 other person. You begin to have their best interests in mind, with passion and/or conviction along side, when their feelings and needs are of greater importance to you than your own. When you read 1 Corinthians 13 and see your mate and yourself in those words, then you may have real authentic love. What love is not is when you place your needs and plans over theirs, and you project what you think their needs are or should be. When you becomerepparttar 122074 one who chooses whatrepparttar 122075 other wants, then you are onrepparttar 122076 path of self-gratification and manipulation, and not love.

There are times where you cannot meet all ofrepparttar 122077 needs of another, nor should you. That has to be based on Biblical values and precepts. That other person you love, or think you love, needs to be discipled and growing inrepparttar 122078 right direction, as do you. They may need correction, you may need correction, they may need to change, and you may need to change. Therefore, a balance has to occur between fulfilling their needs, and fulfillingrepparttar 122079 right needs. Nevertheless,repparttar 122080 bottom line,repparttar 122081 litmus test is, that you desire to put them before yourself. You are not being selfish or manipulative or have hidden agendas, and neither do they. Of course, there will be times we want to control or change them, but we have to be willing to repeal those selfish desires in our heart in favor of their desires.

A Biblical relationship, one between God and us, and one with another, will takerepparttar 122082 focus off you and put it on what can be empowered and/or invested inrepparttar 122083 other person. With God, our surrender of our will goes along side that too (John 14-15; Gal. 2:20-21; Phil, 3:10). Therefore, you have to discern whererepparttar 122084 line is between our obligation of real friendship, and love. In addition, that can be different for each person. The main factor in determining where that line is will berepparttar 122085 degree of excitement, passion, and desire. The emotional factor should not be there in such force in a fellowship-based friendship.

With courtship, you are seeking to keep in your mind and heart,repparttar 122086 best interests of not onlyrepparttar 122087 person you are going out with, but also your future spouse. You need to do this because you are preparing yourself forrepparttar 122088 real love of your life, and if this one is not it, you can ruin yourself and that person you are out with, as well as your future spouse. This multiplies further, when you considerrepparttar 122089 future spouse ofrepparttar 122090 person whom you are dating. Therefore, one person’s sin/mistake will affect scores of people. That is why God hates sexual promiscuity. It negatively effects and destroys not only you, but many others too! Keepingrepparttar 122091 other person’s best interests at heart will result in saving your sexual and emotional purity for your true love.

One ofrepparttar 122092 main objections to courtship is people feel when you do not have sex or a lot of physical contact with each other you will not develop intimacy or even an attraction to each another. Then when you do get married, you will find out there are no sexual or romantic feelings one forrepparttar 122093 other. Thus, you will never develop true love for your spouse. This thought is completely ridiculous! I know this from my personal experience in courting my wife, studying dating history, my 20 years of counseling singles, and of course,repparttar 122094 Word.

The main reason that engaging in several romances is dangerous, as I said before inrepparttar 122095 other three articles, is that it will develop a lot of emotional baggage. Those people will stay in your thoughts and rob you of your emotional commitment to your spouse. I am not saying you are to have no romance before marriage. Onrepparttar 122096 contrary, getting to know your spouse to be is romance. Romance does not mean sex outside ofrepparttar 122097 marriage bed. Sex does not build romance, commitment, trust, or knowledge of, or for, each another. It only satisfiesrepparttar 122098 sin of lust, and blocksrepparttar 122099 building of real intimacy and genuine romance. The physical can get inrepparttar 122100 way of real heartfelt romance, because it cloudsrepparttar 122101 issues inrepparttar 122102 building of a relationship. I have never heard of anyone who, after courting and marriage, had a problem with sex, unless there were physical problems or past abuse issues. God has wired you to engage in sex without any problems in doing so. The problem is that our sinful nature has heightened and corrupted it. To build a good relationship, you should consider allrepparttar 122103 aspects of building that relationship before you consider romance, as in physical touch.

Also, be willing to draw a line beyond which you both agree not to cross in your touching each other. This will prevent your lust from gettingrepparttar 122104 best of you. The best defense is a good offence, plan, and agreement. So, drawrepparttar 122105 line, agree together, and commit to it concerning how far you will go physically. Keep Biblical values in mind! For some, it will be not going beyond kissing until you are engaged. For others, it will be never going pastrepparttar 122106 bikini/swim suit areas (conservative swim suit--not a thong!)!

If, after working through allrepparttar 122107 relational building process, and making a commitment to each other leading to marriage, no attraction or romance develops, then you need to consider carefully that perhaps this relationship is not meant to be. If this isrepparttar 122108 case, you will be hurt, but also consider this you will be saved from a lifetime of being withrepparttar 122109 wrong person, which would cause each of you and others around you grief and strife! So, praise God and move on. The Biblical process has saved you! Keeprepparttar 122110 friendship alive. Remember that any effort made in building relationships is never a waste of time in God’s eyes, unless it is hurtful or damaging.

Another thing to consider is that romance and attraction build over time. Most Christian counselors, as well as surveys, have shown that with older couples in a growing relationship with Christ say their love has increased overrepparttar 122111 years--not decreased! So, if you are in your 20s, are planning to be married, are worried that you do not feel attracted enough to each other, and yet you meetrepparttar 122112 rest ofrepparttar 122113 relationship building criteria, that feeling will change and you will grow fonder of each other!

Many people wonder, and ask, if love, or commitment comes first? The Bible gives us an answer that surprises a lot of people. In Ephesians 5:22-33repparttar 122114 context of this passage indicates "loverepparttar 122115 one you marry" rather than to "marryrepparttar 122116 one you love." Thus, romance is often skewed with society’s emphasis on feelings, and not on commitment. So, whenrepparttar 122117 tough times come, romance will not keep you together, only your commitment will. This is a reason that love is also a choice. As a result, I believe commitment will supersede love, and be a good indicator that love is inrepparttar 122118 mix!

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© 1988, 1998, 2002 R. J. Krejcir Into Thy Word Ministries

Richard Joseph Krejcir is the Director of “Into Thy Word Ministries,” a missions and discipling ministry. He is the author of the book, Into Thy Word, and is also a pastor, teacher, and speaker. He is a graduate of Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena California (M.Div.) and currently pursuing his Ph.D. He has amounted over 20 years of pastoral ministry experience, mostly in youth ministry, including serving as a church growth consultant.

Children and Divorce

Written by Karen Zastudil

Continued from page 1
As you begin uncoveringrepparttar new you, it's not wrong to make time for yourself, but when it seems appropriate, include your children. You are a mom first, and you would not want to sacrificerepparttar 122072 needs of your children. Maintain moments of "single" freeness to time with your friends and not in front of your children. As you begin dating again, feeling silly, giddy and young, do it in a way that doesn't affect them. Introducing a lot of casual dates into your children's lives can cause anxiety and confusion. Reassure them that your date is not a replacement for "dad" or them. You would not want your children to feel they are being abandoned. Your children still need to know that you arerepparttar 122073 parent and that they can depend on you to providerepparttar 122074 love and emotional stability they need.

Karen Zastudil is a retired financial analyst with a BA in Economics and Marketing - as the parent, Karen is an advocate for others who are interested in parenting and womens issues. Karen shares her wisdom and her resources at

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