6.Certain life experiences

Coaches differ on this, but there are certain life events I’ve not experienced, or things I’m not (a male, for instance), that I know preclude me working well with a client and I refer them elsewhere.

EXAMPLE: One very savvy shopper had an excellent set of questions for me, including, “Do you think someone who has never been a mother can understand my feelings about starting to prepare for a career after they’re gone?”

I replied that no, I did not. Motherhood is one of those things you can’t relate to if you haven’t been one. She hired me and we’re working well together.

By same token, I think one area where field of therapy is lacking, is in helping people with corporate careers. Most therapists have not been in corporate world, and can plain-out give bad advice. There’s a level of vulnerability you can’t project in today’s corporate environment, and until that changes, to assume that someone cares about your feelings when your mother-in-law is in hospital, when there’s a $1,000,000 deadline hovering, is not just naïve, it’s dangerous.

One life crisis is like another in terms of physiological and emotional responses, and stages of coping, but can someone coach you on your divorce who’s never been divorced? Or never been married? It’s up to shopper to decide.

In this case, I think coach has to be responsible for knowing their own limitations. A lot of training, and lot of experience helping others with problem, can sometimes fill gap. I coach individuals on how to parent with Emotional Intelligence, but I don’t feel I can coach someone on “how to be a father.” The Ideal Client knows that.

7.Perspective

My Ideal Client keeps things in perspective, understanding I can’t remember every detail of their situation. She brings me up-to-speed at beginning of session, or says, “You’ll recall I mentioned last week…” or “Well, I met with Fred. That’s my boss.”

8.Sense of Humor

9.A Relator

The best coaching will be co-coaching. The results of coaching will be as good as relationship. My Ideal Client approaches coaching not as a to-do list, or me as a Master Sergeant, but as a relationship, a process, and something not necessarily fast. It is, in fact, when we “wander” that I get kind of information that helps me help client most. ( It’s a managed wandering however. )

10.She has an Observing Ego.

IQ gets you through school; EQ gets you through life. EQ is based on self-awareness. Being self-aware means you have capability to sit back, figuratively, and observe yourself. The client who can say, “I don’t relate well to [this type of person] in [this certain circumstance] or [when I’m feeling this way], is leap years ahead of client who says, “People are hard to get along with,” or “Everyone hates me at work and I don’t know why.”

11.The Learner

My Ideal Client is a lifetime learner. It’s key to Resilience, and prime is already pumped for growth and change.

12.The one who laughs when I ask, “And how has this been working for you?”

It’s often most important question I ask.

13. The client who says EITHER, “Jacques Louis-David, isn’t he one who painted ‘The Lictors Bring to Brutus Bodies of His Sons’?” OR “Jacques Louis-David? You say he’s an artist? Sure. Bring it on!”

14. Looks at my EQ reading list ( http://www.susandunn.cc/emotional_intelligence.htm ) and says EITHER “We like same books. Wasn’t “Art & Physics” awesome?” OR “Fascinating. Never read a one of them. Where should I start?”

15.The Person who says, “Oh, so you do General Coaching AND Marketing Coaching? Well, that makes perfect sense, because whatever we’re doing, we’re always marketing ourselves.”

16.Someone who is accustomed to paying for professional services to make their life work better.

17.The client who asks “why?” ten times as often as he asks “what?”

18.The client with good timing. I can make a roaring fire out of lowest flickering embers, but not when ashes are cold.

So, even though you may need to get a task done quickly, try slowing down your actions and thoughts for a minute or two. Those minutes of “slow time” will literally expand your time horizon and something in your day will adjust to give you more time. It’s Universal law. Try it – it works!

Also, one last quick tip: If you want to have more time, stop saying things like, “I just don’t have time!” Remember, thoughts are things and words have wings. Good luck!