· He is keeping old memories and pictures of Exes? You will keep telephone number of an Ex in your wallet; then ask him to hand you change from your purse. And you will make an issue of right to keep ‘the most important part of your life private'. Leave him for interfering with your ‘privacy'.Never mention his own behaviour!

· He says he loves you but does not mean it? Say before friends that love is a game for two to play and laugh gently without looking at him. The following week, diasappear without a trace for days on end. And never offer an explanation.

· He is not generous with his money with you? Do not buy him a birthday gift; give him a card with a sorry-I-wish-I-had-cash-to-buy-you-something-nice; then buy yourself a pair of shoes for $200. The same month, date a richer man.

· He had sex with a prostitute on his business trip? Clip pic of a male escort and tuck it in your Jeans pocket. Let him discover it and "swear' you never meant to actually phone guy. You are not lying after all. Soon after that, flirt with that handsome cashier at supermarket and give him your telephone number. Get him to answer phone and hand it to you. Then say: "the wrong number"! When he gets jealous, leave and never go back.You never found out about his blunder, of course.

· He surprised you with his plans to break up with you? Ask him how dares he "when you fell in love with that chap two months ago and could not do that to him". Never ask him for an explanation. Just disappear and never answer his calls or justify your strange behaviour!

· You discovered he is going on with a relationship he is supposed to have ended? Pressure, corner, accuse and expose him. Then leave him to other woman and let her know that you dumped him because you do not want him. And go on with your life as if he never existed.

· You can write? Do what I am doing and pass copies to your own friends. Publishing a book might be de rigeur for someone like Ivana, Marla or Jerry Hall to clear their image before millions. But publishing a book on subject only means you are really really angry - biggest taboo!

Those are examples to show you how to have last say in your relationships , no matter what. The key points are: never appear weak, get jealous, utter love word, seem lonely, act desperate , wish him back or confess you know something that hurt you. Getting rid of him willingly is bound to hurt him badly even if it were his own intention to break up liaison. Act like you do not care; and most important: Don't!

If he comes back to you after reciving this dose of indignation, make sure you set new standards for relationship where you will never be equal again. From this moment on, you are upper hand. He does not like it? Let him say so and go away - forever.

If you need help breaking up and breaking even, do not hesitate to contact me for brainstorming.

After a while, a man discovers that he and his wife do not even speak same language. Sure, we both call it "English", but we each use different dictionaries. Consider word "fine".

When a woman uses word "fine", a man knows he has just lost an argument. "Fine" is a woman's way of saying, "OK, you win argument, but you only win because I let you, and I am still right, so take your duct tape and put it somewhere useful ... like across your mouth!"

To a man, "fine" means something completely different. It means that something is fine. It is good. It is as it should be. Some men, such as yours truly, use "fine" as a response when a woman asks, "How do I look in this new dress I bought?"

Men like that ought to just hop in front of a moving train to save themselves a lifetime of slow, painful torture. When a man says "fine" to a woman, it won't be long before that woman says "fine" to him. Better get out your duct tape.

So my answer to Soaking Lady is this: "If you don't like triple-coconut-cream-of-pickle-juice spritzer with a dash of chili all over table and chair and floor, just ask your husband to wipe it up. Anyone loving enough to pour such an obviously tasty treat on table at your request, will just as lovingly lap it up."

And my answer to Thirsty Man is this: "No, I can't."

Every relationship works best when we use words listener will understand as we mean them to be understood. For instance, if a man says "fine" and a woman hears "yuck!", just don't use word "fine".

Or, do what I do. Keep plenty of extra duct tape for a very rainy day.