•The Truth Will Set You Free, but First It May Make You Mad. Pete’s team confronted him on his ineffective leadership style. It was difficult to hear negative feedback, but as he listened and responded, team members’ animosity changed to offers of help and support.

•Get Information You Need Without Being Gullible or Paranoid.

•Ask Questions with Grace and Skill.

•Tell Your Truth with Compassion for Yourself and Others. Valerie struggled with herself about how to inform her client that she suspected he was using drugs. As she prepared him for job interviews, she started to think that other interviewers might notice subtle symptoms and mannerisms she had observed in him. She carefully examined her own internal conversation and her fear of alienating her client. Her commitment to her own integrity helped her find an appropriate way to take necessary risk while continuing to support her client.

•The “What I Feel Like Saying” Process. Staff meetings were becoming a waste of time in Monica’s mortgage banking office. Staff members would come late, leave early, and barely pretend to participate. Introducing a simple exercise at start of each weekly meeting allowed everyone to gradually learn to work together more effectively.

•Is Something Sinister Going On? Everyone at meeting was frustrated. People were repeating their points several times, but they were not reaching any resolution. A simple matter that should have taken five minutes had been debated for an hour. After a brief recess, Barry raised a new issue that concerned everyone. When discussion of new topic was completed, they went back to considering original issue, and they reached agreement on a solution almost immediately.

•Using Agreements to Create Dialogue Instead of Conflict. It is important for any truth teller to realize that your truth is not THE TRUTH, and neither is anyone else’s. Exploring different perspectives on truth instead of arguing about which is correct can best be accomplished in a safe environment. A variety of organizations use an ever-evolving set of agreements to create and maintain a context in which truth-telling can occur.

Summary By: Regine P. Azurin

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6. Don't VOLUNTEER.

They don't trust you yet. "Get" that. Don't volunteer to make coffee or make nightly run to FedEx. You could poison them. You might never make it to FedEx office. (I am not kidding.)

7. Don't MAKE IT TOO HARD, OR TOO EASY.

Pace your initial tasks. If you start out blazing, you'll be held to that pace forever, or you may threaten others who do what you do. If you go too slow, you might not be there long. It's a marathon, not a sprint.

8. Don't SAY 'NO'.

If you're asked to join them for lunch, pitch in for a baby shower gift, "grab phone," or do a task for someone, say "yes." If something goes against grain (and there's always one person in an office who tries to make life hell for new guy it seems), file it for later. First you need to find out how disputes are handled.

The good manager, one with high EQ who knows people, and knows HER people, will tell you, "If so-and-so gives you any trouble, just be nice. Then come tell me and I'll take care of it." The inept manager won't know, or isn't willing to deal with it, and you'll have to figure it out for yourself. How do you do this? By having your antennae out. Observe and process.

EXCEPTION: Occasionally in an office you're ignored for first few weeks, except by loser, who will ask you to join him or her for lunch, trying to build an alliance. In that case, you come up with an excuse ("Sorry, gotta run to bank at noon.")

9. Don't CRITIQUE, CRITICIZE, or APPEAR TO BE COMPLAINING.

You'll notice things that could be done differently and better, but if you speak at this point it will sound like complaining or criticizing. If it's too hot or too cold, for instance, wait it out. The "new kid on block" isn't entitled to anything. You can straighten place out later.

10. Don't VIOLATE PACK BEHAVIOR.

You watch Discovery Channel, don’t you? Well, picture troop of monkeys, i.e., if you’re not alpha male, you’re just one of pack, so start grinning and grooming others.

11. Don’t UNDERESTIMATE THE EFFECT OF INITIAL CONDITIONS.

In physics it’s called “sensitive initial conditions.” It means way “it” (any system) begins makes a huge and permanent difference. Think of what you say and do as being broadcast with a loudspeaker into a cavern which will reverberate and echo for months. There’s not such thing as an “innocent comment” when you’re new, and if you show up in a bright print dress when everyone else is in neutral and pants, you’ll reinvent term “sticking out like a sore thumb.” The onus (hard work) is on you. They will be ADJUSTING to you. You must ADAPT to them (a far stronger concept). When in doubt, get coaching! You want to get off to a good start.