In my personal journal, I write things that I know to be true about myself that I'm unable to reveal for one reason or another. Once I'm done journaling, I tuck journal in a drawer, put on my mask and go out into world.

Not being true to who I really am causes all kinds of problems in my relationships. Further, if my behavior doesn’t line up with my values, it keeps me from meeting important goals, growing spiritually and compromises my physical and mental health.

It’s important to keep a personal journal for my eyes only – I always will. But integrating some of thoughts I record in my journal with my public blog is peeling away layers of self-consciousness and tentativeness.

I knew I was a true blogger when I re-read a blog post and, instead of editing it, I thought, “This is who I am, and, hey, I’m okay!”

My new philosophy as a blogger is: The closer I can get to integrating my true self into my public self, better off I am. And, of course, “Don’t knock it ‘til you rock it!”

What keeps my astonishment going is thought that Carla has really tried to live her life as if she is normal. Imagine her jet skiing. That’s really cool! And, to use her knowledge and dedication for things that she loves to do reflect how she wants to be remembered – I must say, she’s someone who has no inhibitions and limitations.

This story is an eye-opener to people who have lost their self-esteem and perseverance due to their disability or sickness. They must all realize how beautiful world is and that they will always have a special place in this world. They definitely have much to offer in this world if they will only be given chance. After all, there are basically many Carla-Helen Toth’s who are waiting to be recognized and appreciated.

Carla-Helen Toth’s death is certainly a big loss to her family, her friends, her co-workers, and to people – esp. disabled ones – who look up to her for her greatness, brilliance and vitality. Her memories will definitely be remembered and cherished forever.