It isn't a zero-sum universe. One person's success does not come at expense of someone else's. Hard, soft, male, female, have nothing to do with it. Other qualities do, including emotional literacy, hard work, intentionality and authenticity.

Success is a win-win situation. There's plenty of success to go around, and using your "soft" skills, your emotional intelligence are what will get you there in long run.

1. They are reflective, able to look back on experiences and extract kernels of wisdom from them. 2. They don't back off from realisty, but face it squarely, labeling things for what they are--setbacks, losses, disappointments. 3. They know their feelings, label them correctly, and express them fluently and routinely to others. 4. They are able to separate timezones--past from present from future. 5. They commit to agony of grieving for as long as it takes. 6. They find meaning and purpose in their struggles, knowing that they will benefit in end by a greater understanding of fundamentals of live. 7. They have a high EQ, including being able to think flexibly and creatively under stress. They expand rather than shut down when faced with a challenge. 8. They keep a reserve of energy built up through regular periods of rest and renewal. 9. They have a strong network of individuals they can depend upon, and who know and accept them as they are.