At that same personal growth seminar mentioned above I heard a useful explanation of different levels of commitment: Level One - I hear you. Level Two - I'll think about it. Level Three - I'll do it (unless something comes up). Level Four - I'll do it unless, god forbid, I'm hit by a bus. Level Five - I'll drag myself there bloodied and broken if I have to.

I like this distinction. Not every circumstance deserves a high level of commitment-- it would be exhausting. But I want to choose based on what I'm willing to give not on what I want from others.

Maybe it's not a matter of disconnecting two sides of bargain, but providing both halves yourself-- giving and receiving. I have this image of a seesaw. The more commitment you have on one side more trust you need to put on other-- trust that your needs will be met somehow or other. At all levels seesaw is balanced, but heavier commitment and trust, wilder ride.

To find out truth about this type of desire you need to be completely relaxed and centered One of things I do when I want to examine where a desire is coming from is I take a few deep breaths and totally relax my body. I then picture myself totally alone on a mountain top, I drop away all external pressures and pretend that I have always been alone on this mountain top. I have never met another person so I cannot be influenced by any outside wishes, dreams, desires or social norms. Then I can discover if want is really a deep seated personal one or not.

If you feel pressure from one person in your life in particular, it is important to drop them completely from your thoughts and pretend that you have never met them. You have most likely spent your life being influenced by those around you so it may feel scary to do this for first time. Just keep taking deep breaths and centering yourself.

I repeat something like –I am all alone in world, I have no pressure from anyone else – what is it that I really want. I say this a few times until a really feel that I have dropped rest of world from me and then I just look at a desire I have and see if it really fits with who I am and who I want to be.

Once you are clear about what you want it is time to put an action plan together and go for it.