Your spiritual state also needs to be nurtured with kindness and gentleness. Take time to do things for yourself, things that you enjoy and want to do on your own terms and time frame. These activities include getting out to enjoy nature's beauty and bounty, quiet time to meditate or enjoy your religious customs, working on a hobby, and spending time with family and friends. Participating in activities that are good for your soul will bring you an inner sense of peace and happiness.

If you are treating yourself in a nice way, you will be comfortable and able to treat others well also. These actions are generally returned in kind and have a way of snowballing. This is reverse of proverbial vicious circle and is certainly a more pleasant track to be running your life on.

A variety of activities and behaviors are key elements to maintaining a desire and interest in being kind and gentle to your physical, mental, and emotional health. Remember - you are lovable as well as capable. In addition to making goals and plans, consider making this "resolution" a positive habit that turns into an ongoing life-long goal.

It is often not advisable to seek help of person who activated wound because:

1) he or she may still be stuck in their own wounded place, place that touched off your wound; 2) you might become dependent upon your beloved taking care of you and taking pain away instead of actually healing pain.

Once you are with a safe, nurturing person, or even on phone with a safe person, hold a doll or bear or even a pillow very tightly and breath into pain. Open to learning and allow Inner Child who is in pain to give you information about original pain that is still stuck in body. The body holds memories that you repressed at time, and now body is releasing these memories. Many images may come up as you open to learning with your Inner Child. Be sure you have your spiritual guidance with you, holding you, surrounding you with love and comfort as you open to learning about this deep pain. In order to truly understand your present reaction, you need to understand what happened to you when you were little. Keep breathing deeply and allowing your Inner Child to inform you, even if you are crying. Tell person helping you what your Child is telling you about what happened to you when you were little. It may take awhile, but gradually you will calm down. At that point, tune into what false beliefs you may have embraced as a child that are affecting you now, and what else your Child needs right now to feel loved and safe.

Being there for your wounded child this way will gradually heal abandonment wounds. Ignoring your feelings, trying to make them go away, or trying to get someone else to take them away will only serve to re-wound you. It is only when you no longer abandon yourself that old wounds begin to heal. Eventually, another's behavior that previously triggered your intense reaction will no longer do so. You may feel sad or lonely when a loved one gets angry or withdraws in some way, but as long as you continue to show up for yourself, intense pain will not be there.

If pain seems stuck in body no matter what you do, then you need to seek out a practitioner who knows how to release old pain out of body through acupressure or other bodywork.

Once these old wounds are healing, you will feel a new sense of personal power. Others’ behavior can no longer trigger you into these intensely painful feelings. However, a word of caution: we may think it is healed, only to discover another level when we move into a more intimate relationship, or more intimacy with a present partner. The closer relationship, deeper wounds get activated. That is why primary relationship is most powerful arena for healing there is, and Inner Bonding - process outlined here - is a most powerful tool! (See resource box for a FREE Inner Bonding course).

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com