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Strong "I" statements have three specific elements:
1. Behaviour 2. Feeling 3. Tangible effect (consequence to you)
Example: "I feel frustrated when you are late for meetings. I don't like having to repeat information."
Six techniques for assertive communication ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There are six assertive techniques - let's look at each of them in turn.
1. Behaviour Rehearsal: which is literally practising how you want to look and sound. It is a very useful technique when you first want to use "I" statements, as it helps dissipate any emotion associated with an experience and allows you to accurately identify behaviour you wish to confront.
2. Repeated Assertion (the 'broken record'): this technique allows you to feel comfortable by ignoring manipulative verbal side traps, argumentative baiting and irrelevant logic while sticking to your point. To most effectively use this technique use calm repetition, and say what you want and stay focused on issue. You'll find that there is no need to rehearse this technique, and no need to 'hype yourself up' to deal with others.
"I would like to show you some of our products" "No thank you, I'm not interested" "I really have a great range to offer you" "That may be true, but I'm not interested at moment" "Is there someone else here who would be interested?" "I don't want any of these products" "Okay, would you take this brochure and think about it?" "Yes, I will take a brochure" "Thank you" "You're welcome"
3. Fogging: this technique allows you to receive criticism comfortably, without getting anxious or defensive, and without rewarding manipulative criticism. To do this you need to acknowledge criticism, agree that there may be some truth to what they say, but remain judge of your choice of action. An example of this could be, "I agree that there are probably times when I don't give you answers to your questions.
4. Negative enquiry: this technique seeks out criticism about yourself in close relationships by prompting expression of honest, negative feelings to improve communication. To use if effectively you need to listen for critical comments, clarify your understanding of those criticisms, use information if it will be helpful or ignore information if it is manipulative. An example of this technique would be, "So you think/believe that I am not interested?"
5. Negative assertion: this technique lets you look more comfortably at negatives in your own behaviour or personality without feeling defensive or anxious, this also reduces your critics' hostility. You should accept your errors or faults, but not apologise. Instead, tentatively and sympathetically agree with hostile criticism of your negative qualities. An example would be, "Yes, you're right. I don't always listen closely to what you have to say."
6. Workable compromise: when you feel that your self-respect is not in question, consider a workable compromise with other person. You can always bargain for your material goals unless compromise affects your personal feelings of self-respect. However, if end goal involves a matter of your self-worth and self-respect, THERE CAN BE NO COMPROMISE. An example of this technique would be, "I understand that you have a need to talk and I need to finish what I'm doing. So what about meeting in half an hour?"
Conclusion ~~~~~~~~~~ Assertiveness is a useful communication tool. It's application is contextual and it's not appropriate to be assertive in all situations. Remember, your sudden use of assertiveness may be perceived as an act of aggression by others.
There's also no guarantee of success, even when you use assertive communication styles appropriately.
"Nothing on earth can stop individual with right mental attitude from achieving their goal; nothing on earth can help individual with wrong mental attitude" W.W. Ziege
When you match consumer psychology with effective communication styles you get a powerful combination. At Hopkins-Business- Communication-Training.com you can find the secrets to communication success. At Hopkins we show you how to communicate better for better business results. www.hopkins-business-communication-training.com