What does it take to embrace this “stressful” occurrence in your life and reap benefits?

Part of it depends upon individual’s personal predisposition to change. This is ingrained is us because it comes from how change and ambiguity were handled when we were children. According to Holmes and Rahe, inventors of now-famous stress scale which rates “life change units,” life is 44% more difficult now than it was 50 years ago. This means for all of us there was less change years ago when we were kids, so probably most of us need an adjustment in our predisposition to change.

Changes are exciting when we choose them ourselves, and when we bolster our resilience – our ability to handle change and bounce back from adverse events. Some of things we can do are learning and practicing a positive attitude, having a strong and supportive social network, and working with someone who’s experienced in transitions, such as a coach.

Victoria’s philosophy is “Action from Adversity.” She would add these things to list:

1.Trust your intuition, completely. You’ll know what you need to do with your life while friends and family may not. 2. Never give up. This is an inspirational quote from Winston Churchill - “Never give up. Never. Never. Never.” 3.Be brave. “Change can be scary,” says Victoria. “Bite bullet and go for it. Don’t regret things you haven’t done in life.”

Why “action from adversity?” You must take action. A useful metaphor is a cork in ocean. We’re in middle of our lives, like a cork on ocean. The cork appears to move as a wave passes from left to right, but its position actually never changes other than a slight rotation. In other words, that cork is not going to wash up on shore eventually one day, it’s going to stay right where it is, forever. If you want to get somewhere, you have to TAKE ACTION.

A COACH IS INVALUABLE AT SUCH A TIME

“Completing transition was tough,” says Victoria. “Most of my friends and family wanted me to “get over crash” and “get back to normal” – my “life” as it had been before. I had to keep my determination and resolve, to change my life and keep changing it. I had to find strength to take actions which were very scary, well out of my comfort zone and risky, but which would give my life greater meaning and fulfillment. A coach is invaluable at a time like this.”

THIS ISN’T YOUR DRESS REHEARSAL

“Life isn’t a dress rehearsal,” Victoria tells her clients. “Don’t wait for that wake-up call, make most of your life, NOW.”

IF THE SCRIPT ISN’T MEANT FOR YOU, RE-WRITE IT

You’re star in greatest show on earth, and all world’s your stage!

Why doesn't creature explore its options, I wonder? Why doesn't it try something different? How did it get locked into one doomed course of action? Into just trying same thing harder and harder. Into just hoping for some miraculous success...in spite of evidence to contrary!

The next morning I found fly dead on dusty windowsill.

I was reminded of an earlier period in my own life. I had wanted to create a breakthrough in my own life. Like that fly...I too had tried harder and harder and harder...until I finally gave up in exhaustion.

Here's what I learned (the hard way):

Attempting to achieve a goal by trying same thing harder and harder is a dead end approach!

First: The very word "try" indicates you actually expect failure (you're going to "try"). If you already know an approach is failing, trying it harder won't get you anywhere! You'll just fail harder!

Second: Failing again and again does NOT take you any closer to success. All it does is dampen your spirit and damage your self-confidence!

"So," you ask, "How else can I achieve my goals?"

The answer lies in a pulling back and trying a completely different approach!

Think of that fly on dusty windowsill next time you find yourself "efforting" to achieve a goal.

Let go...relax...then try another approach! Sometimes just letting go will clear your mind to see a better way of getting what you want.

"Just try harder" will seldom get you to your goal. It's just a big, fat lie that needs to be replaced with more flexible goal-directed behavior!

Plus...flexibility will protect you from discouragement and possible burn-out!

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