We see ourselves a certain way, and we also think a certain way. When we’re working with others, managing, parenting or coaching others, it’s important to understand how other person sees himself of herself.

I use an assessment with clients called The StrengthsFinder® Profile ( http:/ inyurl.com/z750 ). Clients have thus far agreed that it’s right-on. It will show you what they call your “innate strengths,” and they relate to how you see world, and therefore, how best you deal with it. You. Uniquely.

For instance, one of Strengths is called “Connectedness.” Here authors describe to person with Connectedness what this means: “Things happen for a reason. You are sure of it. You are sure of it because in your soul you know that we are all connected. Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger.” (Now, Discover Your Strengths, Buckingham and Clifton)

Notice how, in describing this person to him or herself, they say “You are sure of I” and “You know.”

As you read this, if you do not have Connectedness for a strength, you will be saying to yourself, “I’M not sure of that!” If you DIDN’T say that, think again. That this person is sure we are all connected to something larger will dictate how they think, how they solve problems, how they relate to other people, and a host of other things and this is key to how they are different – different from you, and different from others. If you are working with this person, or relating to them and don’t ‘get’ this, you’ll be shadow-boxing.

The blond-hair, brown-hair … it has to do with perception of reality. It’s viewpoint. We each have our own. Children start out with a tenuous grasp of reality. When my Super Hero was little he would tell me defiantly, “Yes I AM going to ….” I would gently correct this to, “You WISH you COULD …” “I can do whatever I want because I’m bigger than you,” he would bellow, which I would translate to, “I know you wish you could do anything you want …”

We need a little of Super Hero in ourselves to get by. It feeds our dreams, gives us courage and energy, helps us achieve and reach our potential. What we need to do is be mindful about this, and also mindful about this in others, and how it may or may not be distorting picture. Our dreams and fantasies are directly related to our feelings, and our feelings guide our behavior.

Emotional Intelligence is all about self-awareness. Only when you are aware of yourself and your feelings can you understand those of others.

Remember that “Rumpelstiltskin” over there thinks he can spin straw into gold (and probably thinks you can too), so his expectations are going to be very high, and his disappointments very high as well, when he finds out he can’t (and that you can’t). Help him keep things in perspective because, alas, no one can spin straw into gold.

And help Atlas shrug. If you’ve got Connectedness, you’re just one to do that. You know that we’re all connected and here to help one another. Atlas doesn’t have to carry world all on his own shoulders.

Study Emotional Intelligence and develop yours. It will help you understand people better!

The next morning when alarm rings at 6:15, your inner brat says to you, "Just press snooze button. You didn't really intend to get up till 6:30 anyway." And 9 minutes later when alarm rings again, your inner brat says, "Just one more time. It's not 6:30 yet."

You might press snooze button 2 or 3 more times. By time you do roll out of bed you feel a little rushed, but you convince yourself that you can still make it out door by 7:30 . . . 7:40 at latest.

Oops -- what have you just done? You have inadvertently allowed your inner brat to negotiate. The 7:30 departure time is no longer firm. Now it's moved to 7:40. Plus, you have opened door to further delay as you get closer to 7:40.

As your morning routine progresses, you find several little things that didn't seem urgent last night or day before, but which need to be taken care of *right now*. Checking your watch (which you've set 10 minutes fast) you see that it's 7:35. "It's really only 7:25," you remind yourself. Your inner brat adds that you have at least 15 minutes, since you can still make it to work on time if you leave at 7:40, providing traffic is not too bad.

Next thing you know, it's 7:55, and you go flying around looking for your shoes, your keys or that recipe you promised to Gladys at work. Now there's no way you're going to be there by 8:00. But tomorrow for sure . . .

How did this happen? You can see that problem is not lack of time -- you have enough time to get ready.

The problem is what you do with time. Your inner brat distracts you, makes excuses about urgencies of nonessential tasks, or rationalizes that you don't have to conform to a rigid schedule.

And it's not just work or other obligations that your inner brat resists. It also balks at preparing for things that you're looking forward to. Just as with work, getting ready for positive events requires focus and blocking out distractions. Since these involve effort and concentration, your inner brat wants nothing to do with them.

As you can see, if you want to be successful at mastering your chronic lateness, it's not enough to merely rearrange your schedule. You must also understand how your inner brat sabotages your best efforts to be on time by distorting your priorities. Once you get to know your inner brat, you'll be on your way to breaking your lateness habit.

Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Beyond Words Publishing, 2001)