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We see ourselves a certain way, and we also think a certain way. When we’re working with others, managing, parenting or coaching others, it’s important to understand how other person sees himself of herself.
I use an assessment with clients called The StrengthsFinder® Profile ( http:/ inyurl.com/z750 ). Clients have thus far agreed that it’s right-on. It will show you what they call your “innate strengths,” and they relate to how you see world, and therefore, how best you deal with it. You. Uniquely.
For instance, one of Strengths is called “Connectedness.” Here authors describe to person with Connectedness what this means: “Things happen for a reason. You are sure of it. You are sure of it because in your soul you know that we are all connected. Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger.” (Now, Discover Your Strengths, Buckingham and Clifton)
Notice how, in describing this person to him or herself, they say “You are sure of I” and “You know.”
As you read this, if you do not have Connectedness for a strength, you will be saying to yourself, “I’M not sure of that!” If you DIDN’T say that, think again. That this person is sure we are all connected to something larger will dictate how they think, how they solve problems, how they relate to other people, and a host of other things and this is key to how they are different – different from you, and different from others. If you are working with this person, or relating to them and don’t ‘get’ this, you’ll be shadow-boxing.
The blond-hair, brown-hair … it has to do with perception of reality. It’s viewpoint. We each have our own. Children start out with a tenuous grasp of reality. When my Super Hero was little he would tell me defiantly, “Yes I AM going to ….” I would gently correct this to, “You WISH you COULD …” “I can do whatever I want because I’m bigger than you,” he would bellow, which I would translate to, “I know you wish you could do anything you want …”
We need a little of Super Hero in ourselves to get by. It feeds our dreams, gives us courage and energy, helps us achieve and reach our potential. What we need to do is be mindful about this, and also mindful about this in others, and how it may or may not be distorting picture. Our dreams and fantasies are directly related to our feelings, and our feelings guide our behavior.
Emotional Intelligence is all about self-awareness. Only when you are aware of yourself and your feelings can you understand those of others.
Remember that “Rumpelstiltskin” over there thinks he can spin straw into gold (and probably thinks you can too), so his expectations are going to be very high, and his disappointments very high as well, when he finds out he can’t (and that you can’t). Help him keep things in perspective because, alas, no one can spin straw into gold.
And help Atlas shrug. If you’ve got Connectedness, you’re just one to do that. You know that we’re all connected and here to help one another. Atlas doesn’t have to carry world all on his own shoulders.
Study Emotional Intelligence and develop yours. It will help you understand people better!
©Susan Dunn, MA, Certified Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . I teach individuals emotional intelligence through individual and group coaching, workshops, Internet courses and ebooks – http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.htm. ). A total program for personal and professional development. mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org for FREE ezine. I train and certify emotional intelligence coaches. Email me for information.