I once met an editor who said that spelling has something to do with pronunciation. She's an idiot. Spelling isn't 100% pronunciation. It's history. I'll say LaRoccas-zz whether it's LaRoccas' or LaRoccas's. So will you.

Jump up five paragraphs and read seventh word. Noun. Note that I didn't write pronoun. Just for fun, rule for pronouns and apostrophes is completely different, as I noted in my Common Writing Mistakes article. I still get email praising that one, so let me repeat a little bit of it.

It's is a contraction for "it is" and its is possessive. Who's is a contraction for "who is" and whose is possessive. You're is a contraction for "you are" and your is possessive. They're is a contraction for "they are," there is a place, their is possessive. There's is a contraction for "there is" and theirs is possessive.

If you've been paying attention to above examples, you've noticed that possessive pronouns never use apostrophes. Its, whose, your, yours, their, theirs...

And there you have it. Apostrophe usage explained.

Michael LaRocca's website at http://freereads.topcities.com was chosen by WRITER'S DIGEST as one of The 101 Best Websites For Writers in 2001 and 2002. He published four novels in 2002 and has two more scheduled for publication in 2004. He also works as an editor for an e-publisher. He teaches English at a university in Shaoxing, Zhejiang Province, China, and publishes free weekly newsletter Mad About Books.

One time, when I was eleven years old, four of us decided to play a game at Gramma's house. Clint, Dwayne, Barry, Michael. Whenever we got together, someone wound up losing blood, and it was always at Gramma's house.

In this game, which was safe by our standards, each of us had a different large plastic ball. We went into bedroom, turned off all lights, and threw them at each other. Something hit me in eye, hard, and I saw stars. Then we turned lights on, and I saw that I'd been hit by a kickball with stars on it.

Since there was no blood, we turned off lights and played some more. The next day, I had a black eye. "How'd that happen?" Mom asked. "I dunno. I think I fell out of bed." She didn't believe me, but she pretended she did.

To continue on with rhetorical questions, here's another one. Who cares? Note how I ended that with a question mark. Always do that. I see this one so much that I might add it to "Common Writing Mistakes" one day. I don't care how many times I see it. It's still wrong. I first had this argument in 1980 with two fellow busboys. I'll never back down. I'm edumacated.

Next week's rhetorical question... When ghosts appear in haunted house, how come nobody ever leaves? Okay, I know, Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy have done that bit already, but my editor still busted me on that one in THE CHRONICLES OF A MADMAN. So, I changed it. The dude left house. If it were me, I would. Wouldn't you?