Anger and your driving

Written by Dr. Tony Fiore

Continued from page 1


While there is no one standard definition for aggressive driving, many psychologists see anger asrepparttar root cause ofrepparttar 126166 problem. Regardless ofrepparttar 126167 provocation orrepparttar 126168 circumstances related to problems onrepparttar 126169 road, it is ultimately our emotional state, our stress levels and our thinking patterns that either cause us to drive aggressively or lead us to berepparttar 126170 victims of others.

In short, many of get us get in trouble because we are driving underrepparttar 126171 influence of impaired emotions, especially anger. Like drunk driving, aggressive driving is more than a simple action or carelessness; it is a behavioral choice that drivers make. It is normal and natural to feel angry when certain events frustrate us onrepparttar 126172 road. But, how do you deal with these angry feelings to cope withrepparttar 126173 situation more effectively?

TWO WAYS TO COPE WITH IMPAIRED DRIVING EMOTIONS: Research clearly shows that reducing stress and changing your self-talk can help you cope.

1.REDUCE YLUR STRESS. Driving is emotionally challenging because unexpected things happen constantly with which we must cope. We often drive underrepparttar 126174 pressure of time, orrepparttar 126175 pressure of congestion and delays which add to our general stress level.

Suggestions include listening to relaxing music or educational tapes onrepparttar 126176 road, leaving 15 minutes sooner, and getting up earlier so you are less rushed.

2. CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE with different self-talk. As a result of earlier life experiences, we all have “automatic” thoughts that are generated by our mind when certain “triggers” occur when driving. We can change our perspective and thus our angry feelings by consciously changing this “self-talk.” For instance, if cut off in traffic think something like …that “jerk” may actually be a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, dorepparttar 126177 laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.”

CONCLUSIONS: If driving underrepparttar 126178 influence of impaired emotions, you can make a personal decision to cope with your angry feelings in a more effective way. This will help you avoid aggressive driving or becomingrepparttar 126179 victim of another aggressive driver. Reducing your stress level and learning to change your self-talk are effective and powerful tools to cope withrepparttar 126180 challenges of driving in our fast-paced society.

Dr. Tony Fiore. The Anger Coach, is a clinical psychologist and anger management trainer and facilitator in Southern California. Subscribe to his free monthly newsletter "Taming The Anger Bee" on his website at

Mastering the Fine Art of Hinting

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach

Continued from page 1

When your partner complains aboutrepparttar wayrepparttar 126165 house looks, orrepparttar 126166 wayrepparttar 126167 dinner tastes, it may be a “hint” that he’d like more affection. Ya know?

When you tell your administrative assistant, “Go run this off and collate it for me,” you are “hinting.” There are two ways to collate. (Yes there are. Did you know that? See how hard it is?) And what happens after that?

My doctor told merepparttar 126168 other day, “Take this PRN.” That’s a hint. What does “PRN” mean?

Does being direct and not hinting insure you’ll get what you want? No. But neither does being indirect and hinting, andrepparttar 126169 chances are higher if you’re direct. And being clear about what you want is a lot better for your sense of personal power.

Come on and hawk it up like a hairball. You’ve probably discovered in intimate relationship communication by now, you’re a lot better off to go ahead and say it. If you don’t because you fear it will harmrepparttar 126170 relationship, it might. But not saying something that important will definitely harmrepparttar 126171 relationship. Somewhere downrepparttar 126172 line not saying “Don’t kiss me like that, kiss me like this,” becomes “I want a divorce.” Who ever meant for it to go that far?

Clear up your communication as best you can, and work on your tone of voice. We’re all in this together!


Sometimes people think being “direct,” means being loud, demanding, or forceful. Maybe you think it should be accompanied by pointing fingers and pounding fists. Not at all! It often works well to soften your voice when you’re preparing to be direct. After all when we hear something loud and threatening (always a personal perception and personal threshold), we’re geared to fight or flight and we don’t receive or process information well.

Don’t know about you, but I tend to stumble into all my greatest learning experiences. I rememberrepparttar 126173 first time I got a sore throat when I had a child inrepparttar 126174 house and couldn’t talk above a whisper. He did everything I asked, like a little lamb. I’ve also tried it at work. I find I have exceptionally peaceful days when I have a cold and can’t talk loud. hmmm


It isrepparttar 126175 hardest thing inrepparttar 126176 world to come out and say what you want, clearly and distinctly, in a way that can be answered “yes” or “no.” It’s particularly important when it matters most – when it’s emotional, and involves someone you love.

Asking for something you want emotionally puts you in a vulnerable position. It’s high-risk. Ifrepparttar 126177 answer is “no,” all hope has been removed. However, it defines you as a person with choices who makes demands and has boundaries. It frees you to go and get what you want elsewhere, or to redefine what you want. It gives you knowledge and information. It takes you out ofrepparttar 126178 fantasy world of wishing and hoping, and puts you clearly onrepparttar 126179 path to being an agent in your own life and getting what you want that can be gotten!


©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, . I offer coaching, distance learning courses, and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your continued personal and professional development. For free ezine,

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