WHAT CAUSES AGGRESSIVE DRIVING BEHAVIOR?

While there is no one standard definition for aggressive driving, many psychologists see anger as root cause of problem. Regardless of provocation or circumstances related to problems on road, it is ultimately our emotional state, our stress levels and our thinking patterns that either cause us to drive aggressively or lead us to be victims of others.

In short, many of get us get in trouble because we are driving under influence of impaired emotions, especially anger. Like drunk driving, aggressive driving is more than a simple action or carelessness; it is a behavioral choice that drivers make. It is normal and natural to feel angry when certain events frustrate us on road. But, how do you deal with these angry feelings to cope with situation more effectively?

TWO WAYS TO COPE WITH IMPAIRED DRIVING EMOTIONS: Research clearly shows that reducing stress and changing your self-talk can help you cope.

1.REDUCE YLUR STRESS. Driving is emotionally challenging because unexpected things happen constantly with which we must cope. We often drive under pressure of time, or pressure of congestion and delays which add to our general stress level.

Suggestions include listening to relaxing music or educational tapes on road, leaving 15 minutes sooner, and getting up earlier so you are less rushed.

2. CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE with different self-talk. As a result of earlier life experiences, we all have “automatic” thoughts that are generated by our mind when certain “triggers” occur when driving. We can change our perspective and thus our angry feelings by consciously changing this “self-talk.” For instance, if cut off in traffic think something like …that “jerk” may actually be a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.”

CONCLUSIONS: If driving under influence of impaired emotions, you can make a personal decision to cope with your angry feelings in a more effective way. This will help you avoid aggressive driving or becoming victim of another aggressive driver. Reducing your stress level and learning to change your self-talk are effective and powerful tools to cope with challenges of driving in our fast-paced society.

When your partner complains about way house looks, or way dinner tastes, it may be a “hint” that he’d like more affection. Ya know?

When you tell your administrative assistant, “Go run this off and collate it for me,” you are “hinting.” There are two ways to collate. (Yes there are. Did you know that? See how hard it is?) And what happens after that?

My doctor told me other day, “Take this PRN.” That’s a hint. What does “PRN” mean?

Does being direct and not hinting insure you’ll get what you want? No. But neither does being indirect and hinting, and chances are higher if you’re direct. And being clear about what you want is a lot better for your sense of personal power.

Come on and hawk it up like a hairball. You’ve probably discovered in intimate relationship communication by now, you’re a lot better off to go ahead and say it. If you don’t because you fear it will harm relationship, it might. But not saying something that important will definitely harm relationship. Somewhere down line not saying “Don’t kiss me like that, kiss me like this,” becomes “I want a divorce.” Who ever meant for it to go that far?

Clear up your communication as best you can, and work on your tone of voice. We’re all in this together!

TONE OF VOICE

Sometimes people think being “direct,” means being loud, demanding, or forceful. Maybe you think it should be accompanied by pointing fingers and pounding fists. Not at all! It often works well to soften your voice when you’re preparing to be direct. After all when we hear something loud and threatening (always a personal perception and personal threshold), we’re geared to fight or flight and we don’t receive or process information well.

Don’t know about you, but I tend to stumble into all my greatest learning experiences. I remember first time I got a sore throat when I had a child in house and couldn’t talk above a whisper. He did everything I asked, like a little lamb. I’ve also tried it at work. I find I have exceptionally peaceful days when I have a cold and can’t talk loud. hmmm

HINTS DON’T WORK

It is hardest thing in world to come out and say what you want, clearly and distinctly, in a way that can be answered “yes” or “no.” It’s particularly important when it matters most – when it’s emotional, and involves someone you love.

Asking for something you want emotionally puts you in a vulnerable position. It’s high-risk. If answer is “no,” all hope has been removed. However, it defines you as a person with choices who makes demands and has boundaries. It frees you to go and get what you want elsewhere, or to redefine what you want. It gives you knowledge and information. It takes you out of fantasy world of wishing and hoping, and puts you clearly on path to being an agent in your own life and getting what you want that can be gotten!

GO FOR IT!