Intimidation - engaging in behavior intended to make your partner do things out of fear. This includes yelling, screaming, threatening, and posturing in a threatening way.

Manipulation - doing or saying things to influence your partner, for your benefit, instead of theirs.

Hostility - using sarcasm, put-downs, and antagonistic remarks. Extreme or prolonged hostility leads to contempt – a major predictor of divorce.

Vengeance - need to “get even” with your partner for a grievance you have against them. Many dysfunctional couples “keep score,” and are constantly trying to “pay back” each other for offenses.

Criticism – involves attacking someone’s personality or character, rather than a specific behavior, often coupled with blame. Like contempt, criticism is a second major predictor of divorce.

Option 3. Positive interactions Start by actually listening not only to what your partners says, but what he or she means. Partners in conflict are not listening to understand; rather, they listen with their answer running because they are defensive. Unfortunately, defensiveness is another predictor of divorce.

Stick to issue at hand. Seems obvious but is very hard to do in heat of battle. Focus and stay in present.

Learn to forgive. Research by Peter Larson, Ph.D., at Smalley Relationship Center, suggests a huge relationship between marriage satisfaction and forgiveness. As much as one-third of marriage satisfaction is related to forgiveness!

Communicate your feelings and needs. Tell your partner how you feel about what they do, instead of accusing them of deliberately offensive behavior. Use “I” statements rather than accusatory, or “you,” statements. Learn to communicate unmet needs so that your partner can better understand and respond to you. For instance, If you are feeling fear, it may be your need for emotional safety and security that is not being met; communcating this is far more effective than lashing out at your partner in an angry tirade.

WHAT CAUSES AGGRESSIVE DRIVING BEHAVIOR?

While there is no one standard definition for aggressive driving, many psychologists see anger as root cause of problem. Regardless of provocation or circumstances related to problems on road, it is ultimately our emotional state, our stress levels and our thinking patterns that either cause us to drive aggressively or lead us to be victims of others.

In short, many of get us get in trouble because we are driving under influence of impaired emotions, especially anger. Like drunk driving, aggressive driving is more than a simple action or carelessness; it is a behavioral choice that drivers make. It is normal and natural to feel angry when certain events frustrate us on road. But, how do you deal with these angry feelings to cope with situation more effectively?

TWO WAYS TO COPE WITH IMPAIRED DRIVING EMOTIONS: Research clearly shows that reducing stress and changing your self-talk can help you cope.

1.REDUCE YLUR STRESS. Driving is emotionally challenging because unexpected things happen constantly with which we must cope. We often drive under pressure of time, or pressure of congestion and delays which add to our general stress level.

Suggestions include listening to relaxing music or educational tapes on road, leaving 15 minutes sooner, and getting up earlier so you are less rushed.

2. CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE with different self-talk. As a result of earlier life experiences, we all have “automatic” thoughts that are generated by our mind when certain “triggers” occur when driving. We can change our perspective and thus our angry feelings by consciously changing this “self-talk.” For instance, if cut off in traffic think something like …that “jerk” may actually be a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.”

CONCLUSIONS: If driving under influence of impaired emotions, you can make a personal decision to cope with your angry feelings in a more effective way. This will help you avoid aggressive driving or becoming victim of another aggressive driver. Reducing your stress level and learning to change your self-talk are effective and powerful tools to cope with challenges of driving in our fast-paced society.