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The time I listened to a psychologist friend of mine talk of his exhaustion from “all
people who need to be heard this time of year”.
The worst Christmas Eve? There wasn’t one. They were all good in their own way. The best Christmas Eve? All of them, and this one coming up! One in particular though, a lesson in ‘you never know.’ The best adult Christmas Eve – my second and last date with a man named Chris, but it turned out we had exactly same idea of how Christmas Eve should be and we accomplished it together. Sometimes butterfly of happiness comes and lights on your shoulder if you don’t go after it.
Perhaps your memories are as mixed and full as mine. I have good and bad memories, and none of them like Norman Rockwell Christmas.
The holidays are particularly difficult for those of us with alcohol problems in family. The memories – or reality -- of someone drunk or passed out, fighting, fear, anger, unpredictability and denial.
The holidays are particularly hard for those of us far from home.
And holidays are particularly hard for single people, who must go and “sit at end of couch” at other people’s houses.
And holidays are particularly hard for young folks with babies. The kids are always sick, there’s too much to do, too little time, maybe too little money.
But holidays are no less hard for those of us with no family, too little to do, too much time, too much money.
The EQ Coach reminds herself that ·It’s our expectations that cause us misery; keep them realistic. Better yet, don’t have any. ·If you don’t go looking, it could be your year for Christmas butterfly. ·That exhaustion and stress aren’t good this time of year. Take care of yourself! ·All emotions are welcome; our grief is price we pay for exquisite joy in same proportion – that’s deal, that’s way it is. If we won’t allow grief, we can’t have joy. ·That some people aren’t able to be present at Christmas – some are dead, some are locked in past, and some are off in future, and that’s okay. ·That Optimism is a good option – how we attribute bad things that happen. If turkey burns – not a small thing if you’re daughter-in-law fixing meal for first time -- that it means thermostat didn’t work, not that you can’t cook. ·That Flexbility is wise – people get sick, plans change, gifts don’t arrive, but celebration can still occur – there are many ways to skin a cat. ·That Resilience is earned not given, and it’s earned by processing hard times and learning from them. GROWING through them, not just GOING through them. ·That nothing’s perfect and you’ll only exhaust yourself and make yourself and everyone else miserable if that’s your goal. ·That we have Personal Power and choices – it’s your holiday to spend as you wish. Christmas has a knob – turn it on, turn it up, turn it down, turn it off. ·And that if it’s good, it will change, and if it’s bad, it will change. Ask yourself and those around you, “How do you feel about Christmas?” There are lots of people who need to be heard this time of year.
My client tells me she’s going to start a new tradition this year. She’ll invite everyone over for a Christmas brunch. I tell her I think this is a great idea, and I make a note to send her some of my cardamom bread. It mails well and has virtue of containing no candied fruit!
I have new traditions, too. I have a little cap for my dog that says “Chimney Watch: Santa Patrol” on it. I’ll have it on her when kids walk in door, and there will be jingle bells on door knob and a motion-sensored wreath on door with eyeballs from K-Mart that says “Ho Ho Ho”.
I have an ineffable desire to enjoy myself and my life. I hope you do too!
Chettie would approve.
Susan Dunn is a personal and professional development coach specializing in emotional intelligence, transitions, midlife, and womens issues. http://www.susandunn.cc and mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine.
