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"Right brain...left brain..." One for words, one for images, and I, ever easily aroused and enraptured by both. Which brain was mine, I mused? Yet another hole too round for my perennially square peg. Images. Color. Why choose?
I cannot remember a time when I was not seduced by color. Was it
petunias, perhaps,
firm grip of my father's aging hand as we climbed
short hill beside our house to browse briefly in
palette of fuschias and magentas, violets and lavenders blue? Was it
haphazard piles of velvet upholstery samples tossed invitingly on
play yard floor of my grandmother's linen closet, beckoning me to cavort with kings and queens? Or
bright balls of wool stored in
shiny brass potato chip can awaiting her dedicated fingers to transform them into rainbow squares for afghans? Perhaps it was
color words themselves,
tantalizing tongue twirls of fairy tales and Crayola wrappers: heliotrope, delphinium, vermilion, celadon, burnt sienna, Endless as imagination, they lured me to delight.
I am drawn to
mesmer of color as
musician is to melody. Song colors my ears; image colors my soul. I cannot choose a favorite, like chocolate or vanilla ice cream; life remains incomplete without all 64 in one box. From
earliest remembrances of childhood, my favorite few possessions were books with "colored plates", a rare find among my mother's vintage novels, and crayons. I amassed color everywhere: postage stamps, ribbons, fabric switches, buttons, flower petals, butterflies, marbles, in endless and varied collections. While my mother shopped, I crawled invisibly under
tables in
millinery department, risking spots on my shopping-white gloves and hoping that an elegant bloom or two, a feather or a bright sequin, had somehow hidden in
pale, plush carpeting. I traced
paisleys in oriental rugs, and retraced them as I rubbed my eyes and journeyed through my very own Arabian Nights to sleep.
Dresses, many ill-fitting and old, hide in
depths of my closet, appearing as briefly as butterflies in Spring cleaning, and then carefully return to their hooks and hangers because
loss of their colors would somehow diminish my being. Like my relationships, they stay safely in
shadows, each waiting for
vibrant moment to emerge from its Plastic bag chrysalis when
light changes seasons. My mother's coral wool dressing gown, my father's tasteful maroon ties, my daughter's first velvet gown, an unmistakable Evening-In-Paris blue, a length of bright Marimekko left from my son's window curtain -- each has a spot in my Technicolor memory. Bred on
still enticing black and white films, a secret part of me breathes a quick sigh of relief when
movie is in color!
Like my mother, I find myself chasing Tiffany windows in obscure towns and places, their brilliant tones enveloping me in awed silence as they did on Sunday mornings long ago. Unable, to rationalize a splurge on
real thing, I have carefully arranged a pauper's ransom of colored glasses and bottles on
eastern sill to greet
early morning light. Drawers burgeon with sheets of wrapping paper too beautiful to be sacrificed yet to packages; silk scarves spanning
generations lie in neatly folded piles looking for a more swan-like neck than mine.
Yes, it is I, screeching to a stop in front of summer's roadside stands—surely there is a friend who will delight in
medley of marigold yellows and cosmos magentas as much as I. Only a woman committed to keeping all 64 colors in a single, dog-eared yellow box would buy flowers instead of cucumbers for dinner, would count Provencal sunflowers instead of sheep on a sleepless night. There is not a jelly glass (see how that one looks blue in
afternoon light!) too dusty for
optimistic crimson of
last November rosebud, nor a moment too full to wonder at
purpling miracle of sunset, where, at last, one might search between
gilded folds of cloud and finally capture
elusive sky-blue pink.
"Color", continued this morning's speaker, "frolicked like
child at
edge of
sand" in
chosen artist's works. In color lies
kaleidoscope of my life,
fire opal of my imagination, and
palette of my memories and dreams. It is
prism of my soul, illuminating
depths and
dark.

Dr. Holstein is the originator of The Enchanted Self and a psychologist since 1981. She is the author of two books: The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy and Recipes for Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is YOU! Dr. Holstein speaks on radio, and appears on television in NY and NJ. She gives lectures, seminars, retreats and audio interviews on LadybugLive.com and is in private practice in Long Branch, NJ with her husband, Dr. Russell Holstein.