5. Do you really want to save marriage or do you see yourself as incapable of getting out? Your self-esteem may be at rock bottom. You may think of yourself as incapable of starting over, incapable of starting a new relationship, incapable of making transition to a new life and incapable of making decisions on your own. It is not unusual for spouse of someone who can’t say no to lose her sense of dignity and self-respect as he attempts to control, intimidate and dictate.

6. Do you really want to save marriage or do you need to protect him? Do you see beyond what is there to him basic emptiness and fear? It’s there and you know it? Perhaps you fear what might happen to him if you do indeed leave? Will he be able to cope? What destructive path might he take next? So you hang in there, aware of his underlying pain and hope some day it will be addressed.

7. Do you really want to save marriage or do you live in fear that if you talk about leaving you will face danger? Perhaps you might face violence? You might face emotional game playing at a new level of intensity? Does it seem wiser to hold back, not confront, not move toward change for fear of what he might say or do? Do you sometimes feel frozen with fear?

8. Do you really want to save marriage or have you given no thought to how you might start over? This is a little different than fear of starting over. Perhaps your life has been so wrapped around his or care of your children that you have given little, if any, thought to you. Have you thought of your desires, your skills, your dreams, your hopes and your future apart from him? Or, apart from your children?

Take some time to seriously and thoughtfully address these questions. Once you do, you may experience a new found freedom to act and move in new ways.

There would be many more of them here if VISA and distance was not so difficult. They all cook very well because and mostly stay home and don't go to cafes except for social fun. Most of them don't have a car. There is no credit in Ukraine for cars or homes. Most don't have credit cards.

There are beautiful streets to walk. Buses are very fast and efficient. Very few Ukrainians are overweight. They are friendly and like Americans. They like to talk to you and say hello and goodbye. You must experience a visit to understand and find out how nice it is to be among people.

South Ukraine is much like South Texas but about 10 degrees cooler through year. Agriculture is there main industry. It is well worth time and money to go and meet a woman there. The cities are very beautiful everywhere in Ukraine, very romantic. I spent almost a year over there and I regret that I don't speak Russian. It is very inexpensive to live there.

Good Luck !

Ralph Holt .