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5. Do you really want to save marriage or do you see yourself as incapable of getting out? Your self-esteem may be at rock bottom. You may think of yourself as incapable of starting over, incapable of starting a new relationship, incapable of making transition to a new life and incapable of making decisions on your own. It is not unusual for spouse of someone who canít say no to lose her sense of dignity and self-respect as he attempts to control, intimidate and dictate.
6. Do you really want to save marriage or do you need to protect him? Do you see beyond what is there to him basic emptiness and fear? Itís there and you know it? Perhaps you fear what might happen to him if you do indeed leave? Will he be able to cope? What destructive path might he take next? So you hang in there, aware of his underlying pain and hope some day it will be addressed.
7. Do you really want to save marriage or do you live in fear that if you talk about leaving you will face danger? Perhaps you might face violence? You might face emotional game playing at a new level of intensity? Does it seem wiser to hold back, not confront, not move toward change for fear of what he might say or do? Do you sometimes feel frozen with fear?
8. Do you really want to save marriage or have you given no thought to how you might start over? This is a little different than fear of starting over. Perhaps your life has been so wrapped around his or care of your children that you have given little, if any, thought to you. Have you thought of your desires, your skills, your dreams, your hopes and your future apart from him? Or, apart from your children?
Take some time to seriously and thoughtfully address these questions. Once you do, you may experience a new found freedom to act and move in new ways.
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/cmd.php?ad=139627