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As I started to examine cause of worry, I realized that worriers believe that worry will stop bad things from happening. My mother worried her whole life and none of bad things she worried about ever happened. She concluded that nothing bad happened because she worried! She really believed that she could control things with her worry. My father, however, never worried about anything, and nothing bad ever happened to him either. My mother believed that nothing bad happened to my father because of her worry! She really believed until day she died (from heart problems that may have been due to her constant worry) that if she stopped worrying, everything would fall apart. My father is still alive at 92, even without her worrying about him!
It is not easy to stop worrying when you have been practicing worrying for most of your life. In order for me to stop worrying, I needed to recognize that belief that worry has control over outcomes is a complete illusion. I needed to see that, not only is worry a waste of time, but that it can have grave negative consequences on health and well-being. Once I understood this, I was able to notice stomach clenching that occurred whenever I worried and stop thought that was causing stress.
Carole is in process of learning this. She sees that her worry makes her feel very anxious and depressed. She sees that when she doesnít worry, she is not nearly as fatigued as when she allows her addiction to worry to take over. She sees that when she stays in moment rather than projecting into future, she feels much better. The key for Carole in stopping worrying is in accepting that worry does not give her control.
Giving up illusion of control that worry gives us not easy for anyone who worries. Yet there is an interesting paradox regarding worry. I have found that when I am in present moment, I have a much better chance of making choices that support my highest good than when Iím stuck thinking about future. Rather than giving us control, worry prevents us from being present enough to make loving choices for ourselves and others. Worrying actually ends up giving us less control rather than more!
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org. Phone sessions available.