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Hypopotamus – a short-legged, thick-skinned, under-performing vegetarian creature with limited bench-pressing abilities
Jokel – An Old World dog with a wicked sense of humor and lots of tricks up his sleeve
Kingflasher – a big name bird whose crests and crowns never cover his breast and tail discretely
Mongooser – a flat-witted, feisty-footed, posterior-pinching paramour of unknown origin
Pantelope – a graceful, butt-crack beast that lives in elevators and rides a bike to work
Pottypus – a toilet-trained, duck-billed devil from Tasmania
Scantelope – a fleet-of-foot, bare-all buxom beast (whose revealing exploits are chronicled in best-selling naturist book, “What Really Went On Behind Scenes in Garden of Eden”)
Screech fowl – a breath-taking barnyard beast that hasn’t learned when to keep his/her trap shut
Screwupworm – a two-winged whimsical creature that nuzzles in nostrils of a few nobodies as lackadaisical larva do, and then promptly engages in some serious botching activities (often with incredibly bewildering if not totally blundering results)
Scuzzard – a dirty, contemptible, shabby-looking vulture with a bad case of halitosis (but good enough to become a mood-enhancing mascot on a u-brew beer label)
Slack Widow – a spiteful, supine, and very venomous Old World Spiderwoman
Springblotch – a clean, youthful, four-footed freak of nature that makes a mess of everything
Swelldish – a pleasant-looking puffer that makes one blush at first sight
Swilldebeest – a swashbuckling species that rarely count its drinks and eats freely, greedily or to excess if given least opportunity
Titter Sucker – a boisterous bawling bird with a tipsy tongue (commonly found in Canadian wet bars)
Too-Too Titi – a la-di-da little scamp with a long tail and an engaging smile…what else!
Whopping Crane – a large, nearly extinct American bird that beats its breast, flaps its wings, and yells “Cowabunga” for no apparent reason at all
Willeye – a good-natured, willing-ready-and-able creature that spends most of its futile life swimming around in quality-improvement circles
So, if you end up in a hole-in-the-wall-place and loose your power of positive thinking – don’t forget to organize a titillating twisted tongue tournament – it’ll do wonders do bring out wonky wordpeckers who live there, not to mention odd-ball strangers.
Adrian Air-of-Sleet is a casual conundrum in the Court of the Quipping Queen (www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com) where he shares his vacuous thoughts with other arcane members of society.