3. Cut a sheet of paper (use cardstock, 24# paper or light cardboard) to match size of opening on picture frame.

4. Cut out background of pictures, leaving just people (or pets). Cut out enough pictures to cover sheet of paper.

5. Arrange cut-out pictures on paper. Mix and match and experiment. Try placing pictures at different angles.

6. After you have an idea of how you would like to arrange pictures, glue them to paper. (Check label to make sure that you can use glue with photographs.) Cover entire sheet of paper with pictures.

7. When glue is dry, insert paper into frame.

Collages are not only a good way to use your old snapshots, but recipients also will cherish them for years to come as a special and thoughtful gift.

© 2003 LeAnn R. Ralph

Marcy and I developed a plan: she would get Andrea an alarm clock and let her know that she had to get herself up - and that if she didn’t she was responsible for consequences if she missed school. Marcy would also ask her children to take responsibility for fixing their own breakfast and lunch. She would also expect them to help clean up in evenings, and would make it clear that if they didn’t help her, she would not be so available to drive them around all time. In addition, she would set aside some time just for her each weekend to work on her own creative projects. This was a hard one for her. Marcy believed that taking care of herself was selfish - that being loving meant putting herself aside for her family. She really wanted to be a good mom - but she was not being a good mom to herself.

We talked about definition of "selfish." I told her that I believed that Andrea was being selfish when she expected Marcy to give herself up for Andrea, and that Marcy was fostering this selfishness in her children by not taking care of herself.

"Marcy, are you being a good mom if you are so unhappy all time? Don’t your kids need to see you being a role-model for personal responsibility - which includes taking good care of yourself? How are they going to learn to make themselves happy if they never see you making yourself happy? You are teaching them that they need to take care of others well-being and that others need to take care of their well-being, which is definition of a codependent relationship. Don’t you want them to know how to take care of themselves - how to take responsibility for their own well-being? Taking care of yourself is not selfish - it’s self-responsible! You’re not being a good parent if you just take care of your children but don’t take care of yourself."

Marcy got it and immediately went about making changes. She was like a new woman when I spoke with her next week, with much more power in her voice. She was beginning to see that problem was not so much not being cared about by her family, but not caring about herself. She could begin to see that how her family treated her was a mirror for how she was treating herself.

I breathed a sigh of relief - Marcy was getting her life back!