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So, after forty days of paripatectic pondering in seclusion of "Hundred Acre Wood", (including 960 hours of going around in little circles, and 39 nights of counting sheep), they came up with a ground-breaking, politically-incorrect 'man-power' strategy (affectionately known as "PLAN-B").
Although stupendous plan was woefully short on details, at least election of an awe-inspiring 'Grand Pooh-Bah of Everything Important in Universe' was hailed as a neat way to boost flagging morale of lads. On second thought, it might also have had something to do with giving bureaucrats plenty of time to sharpen their pencils, or just an excuse to haggle over best bang-for-the-buck on how to save world from scourge of wimps and wusses.
If devil is in details, then they surely must have been lost forever in small print of all this blessed bumpf. And for those who missed out on "Grand Thoughts About Nothing Summit of Great Minds", there's still time to sign up for courses like "Where to Find Best Haycorns", "Useful Pots to Keep Things In", and "Knowledge Management for Bears of Very Little Brain".
After all, who in their right mind could refuse a mispelled engraved invitation to a seminar on "Hunny-Making Tips", a CD sampler of "Popular Hip-Hop Hums" not to mention a "smackeral of something" around 11 o'clock, plus a client feedback form covered with those ubiquitous smiley faces, and an autographed personal copy of "PLAN-B"?
No doubt prozac-popping Poohs, materialistically-challenged Rabbits, anxiety-disordered Piglets, donky-depressive Eeyores, hyper-active Tiggers, brilliant but dyslexic Owls, single-parenting Kangas with at-risk Roos and detached-personality Christopher Robins will find these amusing activities just a tad taxing on their simple cerebellums.
By way, play-with-your-food fanatics, petting zoo herbivores, and wee wabbit workers should definitely consider a career change. According to PLAN B, "Our mighty man-power strategy guarantees a marvellous, bright, new future for MANkind, especially those who pursue a challenging eco-adventure career in emerging field of heffalump and woozle hunting." ...Oh won’t that be fun tiddley pom! ...Another gold star tiddley pom. ...Ho hum tiddley pom.
LESSON FROM HUNDRED ACRE WOOD: If one whistles long enough while digging a Deep Pit to trap a heffalump or one wanders aimlessly in wilderness with a pot of honey to catch a woozle, one's definition of these elusive critters will vary with weather, one's appetite, and volatility of Animal Kingdom Happiness Index (AKHI).
Theolonius McTavish, itinerant scribe in the palace of the esteemed "Quipping Queen" (www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com), and one whose eclectic interests include how to build "The Good Ship Lollipop", biodegradable hexagons, and "Sleep Country" mattresses