A Letter about Trust

Written by Sam Vaknin


Continued from page 1

As opposed to popular opinion, trust must be put torepparttar test, lest it goes stale and staid. We are all somewhat paranoid. The world around us is so complex, so inexplicable, so overwhelming that we find refuge inrepparttar 126340 invention of superior forces. Some forces are benign (God) some arbitrarily conspiratorial in nature. There must be an explanation, we feel, to all these amazing coincidences, to our existence, to events around us.

This tendency to introduce external powers and ulterior motives into our reality permeates human relations, as well. We gradually grow suspicious, inadvertently hunt for clues of infidelity or worse, masochistically relieved, even happy when we find some.

The more often we successfully testrepparttar 126341 trust we had established,repparttar 126342 stronger our pattern-prone brain embraces it. Constantly in a precarious balance, our brain needs and devours reinforcements. Such testing should not be explicit but circumstantial.

Your husband could easily have had a mistress or your partner could easily have stolen your money and, behold, they haven't. They passedrepparttar 126343 test. They resistedrepparttar 126344 temptation offered to them by circumtance.

Trust is based onrepparttar 126345 ability to predictrepparttar 126346 future. It is not so muchrepparttar 126347 act of betrayal that we react to as it isrepparttar 126348 feeling thatrepparttar 126349 very foundations of our world are crumbling, that it is no longer safe because it is no longer predictable. We are inrepparttar 126350 throes of death of one theory andrepparttar 126351 birth of another, as yet untested.

Here is another important lesson: whateverrepparttar 126352 act of betrayal (withrepparttar 126353 exception of grave criminal corporeal acts) it is frequently limited, confined, and negligible. Naturally, we tend to exaggeraterepparttar 126354 importance ofrepparttar 126355 event. This serves a double purpose: indirectly it aggrandises us. If we are "worthy" of such an unprecedented, unheard of, major betrayal we must be worthwhile and unique. The magnitude ofrepparttar 126356 betrayal reflects on us and re-establishesrepparttar 126357 fragile balance of powers between us andrepparttar 126358 universe.

The second purpose of exaggeratingrepparttar 126359 act of perfidy is simply to gain sympathy and empathy mainly from ourselves, but also from others. Catastrophes are a dozen a dime and in today's world it is difficult to provoke anyone to regard your personal disaster as anything exceptional.

Amplifyingrepparttar 126360 event has, therefore, some very utilitarian purposes. But, finally,repparttar 126361 emotional lie poisonsrepparttar 126362 mental circulation ofrepparttar 126363 liar. Puttingrepparttar 126364 event in perspective goes a long way towardsrepparttar 126365 commencement of a healing process. No betrayal stampsrepparttar 126366 world irreversibly or eliminates other possibilities, opportunities, chances and people. Time goes by, people meet and part, lovers quarrel and make love, dear ones live and die. It isrepparttar 126367 very essence of time that it reduces us all torepparttar 126368 finest dust. Our only weapon however crude and naive against this unstoppable process is to trust each other.



Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East. He is a columnist for Central Europe Review, United Press International (UPI) and eBookWeb and the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory, Suite101 and searcheurope.com.

Visit Sam's Web site at http://samvak.tripod.com




Born Aliens - Part I

Written by Sam Vaknin


Continued from page 1

The motor development ofrepparttar baby is heavily influenced both byrepparttar 126339 lack of sufficient neural equipment and byrepparttar 126340 ever-changing dimensions and proportions ofrepparttar 126341 body. While all other animal cubs are fully motoric in their first few weeks of life repparttar 126342 human baby is woefully slow and hesitant. The motor development is proximodistal. The baby moves in ever widening concentric circles from itself torepparttar 126343 outside world. Firstrepparttar 126344 whole arm, grasping, thenrepparttar 126345 useful fingers (especiallyrepparttar 126346 thumb and forefinger combination), first batting at random, then reaching accurately. The inflation of its body must giverepparttar 126347 babyrepparttar 126348 impression that he is inrepparttar 126349 process of devouringrepparttar 126350 world. Right up to his second yearrepparttar 126351 baby tries to assimilaterepparttar 126352 world through his mouth (which isrepparttar 126353 prima causa of his own growth). He dividesrepparttar 126354 world into "suckable" and "insuckable" (as well as to "stimuli-generating" and "not generating stimuli"). His mind expands even faster than his body. He must feel that he is all-encompassing, all-inclusive, all-engulfing, all-pervasive. This is why a baby has no object permanence. In other words, a baby finds it hard to believerepparttar 126355 existence of other objects if he does not see them (=if they are not IN his eyes). They all exist in his outlandishly exploding mind and only there. The universe cannot accommodate a creature, which doubles itself physically every 4 months as well as objects outsiderepparttar 126356 perimeter of such an inflationary being,repparttar 126357 baby "believes". The inflation ofrepparttar 126358 body has a correlate inrepparttar 126359 inflation of consciousness. These two processes overwhelmrepparttar 126360 baby into a passive absorption and inclusion mode.

To assume thatrepparttar 126361 child is born a "tabula rasa" is superstition. Cerebral processes and responses have been observed in utero. Sounds conditionrepparttar 126362 EEG of fetuses. They startle at loud, sudden noises. This means that they can hear and interpret what they hear. Fetuses even remember stories read to them while inrepparttar 126363 womb. They prefer these stories to others after they are born. This means that they can tell auditory patterns and parameters apart. They tilt their head atrepparttar 126364 direction sounds are coming from. They do so even inrepparttar 126365 absence of visual cues (e.g., in a dark room). They can tellrepparttar 126366 mother's voice apart (perhaps because it is high pitched and thus recalled by them). In general, babies are tuned to human speech and can distinguish sounds better than adults do. Chinese and Japanese babies react differently to "pa" and to "ba", to "ra" and to "la". Adults do not which isrepparttar 126367 source of numerous jokes.

The equipment ofrepparttar 126368 newborn is not limited torepparttar 126369 auditory. He has clear smell and taste preferences (he likes sweet things a lot). He seesrepparttar 126370 world in three dimensions with a perspective (a skill which he could not have acquired inrepparttar 126371 dark womb). Depth perception is well developed byrepparttar 126372 sixth month of life.

(continued)

Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East. He is a columnist for Central Europe Review, United Press International (UPI) and eBookWeb and the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory, Suite101 and searcheurope.com.

Visit Sam's Web site at http://samvak.tripod.com




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