Written by Rev. James L. Snyder

Continued from page 1

They penalize me for screwing up but they do not credit my account when they screw up like being without electricity for four days twice this past year. Oh, that I remember and remember it well. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly it was more like 90 days.

I remember deductingrepparttar monthly service charges from my bank each and every month. Well, maybe not "each and every" month. Why those three checks bounced is beyond my comprehension.

Shouldrepparttar 118108 bank charge a larger fee for a bounced check thanrepparttar 118109 face value ofrepparttar 118110 check? I don't think so. Isn't itrepparttar 118111 bank's business to keep their records straight? Why do I have to spend so much time each month on my checkbook account?

Last, but certainly not least, isrepparttar 118112 yearrepparttar 118113 Gracious Mistress ofrepparttar 118114 Parsonage remembers.

At times, I am tempted to think (at least it's what I call thinking) my wife lives one life and I live something altogether different from hers. The things she remembers that took place duringrepparttar 118115 year are beyond my remembering.

I am beginning to believe she remembers things that never took place. Of course, and I say this with all sincerity, I would never contradict her memory.

Forrepparttar 118116 life of me I don't know where I was when all these things happened that she says happened. Nor do I know where I was when I promised to do all those things she said I promised.

Even in my right mind, (of which I don't have much left) I would never concede to help remodelrepparttar 118117 family room. I would never accuse her, heaven forbid, of taking advantage of me in this area. The thought is not a stranger inside my head, although rational thoughts are.

King Solomon,repparttar 118118 wisest man who ever lived, framed his thoughts this way, "Remember now thy Creator inrepparttar 118119 days of thy youth, whilerepparttar 118120 evil days come not, norrepparttar 118121 years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them;" (Ecclesiastes 12:1 KJV.)

Solomon's idea was, "now" is more important than "then."

The Apostle Paul hadrepparttar 118122 right idea with this matter of remembering. "Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press towardrepparttar 118123 mark forrepparttar 118124 prize ofrepparttar 118125 high calling of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14 KJV.)

It is not important how much I can remember aboutrepparttar 118126 past, as long as I don't forget to set Christ before me in all I do in 2005.

Rev. James L. Snyder is an award winning author and popular columnist living with his wife in Ocala, FL


Written by B. Blitterlees & E. Craboon

Continued from page 1

11. BAUBLES, BANGLES & BEADS DAY (impress your boss with trashy trinkets, garish gew-gaws, knock'em-dead knickknacks or perhaps a few paddywhacks)

12. NATIONAL CLOCK-WATCHING DAY (in honor of all pathetic procrastinators and ludricrously late-bloomers)

13. "GOTCHA" DAY (better get outrepparttar old whooppee cushion and chocolate-covered ants)

14. NATIONAL WORRYWART DAY (brush up on your favorite sky-is-falling stories)

15. GADFLY(homo botflyillucus)CONSERVATION DAY (try cross-pollinating...with a saucy social butterfly...silly)

16. THINGS THAT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN INVENTED DAY in recognition of strange gizmos or unusual gadgets you'd never be caught dead buying or using)

17. EDIBLE GREEN STUFF DAY(learn to love or at least play quietly with your Brussels sprouts, cabbage or celery)

18. SLOW NEWS DAY(in honor of far-flung factoids, sanctimonious slide shows, and pithyless PowerPoint presentations that put most people to sleep)

19. NATIONAL BAD HAIR & HABERDASHERY DAY (dedicated to folks whose favorite coiffure is a ball-cap worn backwards)

20. NATIONAL LEMING AWARENESS DAY(celebratingrepparttar 118107 value of cliff-hangers and pro-active followship)

21. NAUGHTY POETRY DAY (honoring wicked haikus, salacious puns and daring double-entendres)

22. JUNGLE MOUTH ELIMINATION DAY(so what's your favorite mouthwash or toothpaste flavor?)

23. TICKLE A FRIEND DAY(based on gender-neutral, permission-based solictations only)

24. GOOP & GUNK DAY(time for a bit of patty-cake making or harmless mudslinging)

25. HAGGIS & HIGHLAND FLING APPRECIATION DAY (A celebration of strange Scottish customs kept firmly under wraps unless your name is Robbie Burns)

26. SLIDE RULE REMEMBRANCE DAY(if you don't know, ask an engineer how to use one)

27. SHAGGY DOG STORY DAY(honors any anecdote or joke that lasts more than 5 minutes)

28. GO FLY A KITE DAY (the only way to send your favorite Nemesis up, up, and away!)

29. NATIONAL WET NOODLE DAY (for those who know how to 'boil water' but can't cook with a wok naturally)

30. MERRY VOICE-MAIL GREETINGS DAY (time to create a humorous voice mail message to amaze your family, friends, or work mates)

31. NATIONAL CROSS-DRESSING DAY (what a way to empty your chameleon clothes' closet!)

Lady Beatrice Blitterlees (referred to in polite circles as the Duchess of Dither) and Lord Earl Craboon (better known as the Duke of Doorknobs) are a devoted duo in the Ripsnorting Royal Court of The Quipping Queen (

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