Written by Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.

Continued from page 1

The next morning whenrepparttar alarm rings at 6:15, your inner brat says to you, "Just pressrepparttar 126155 snooze button. You didn't really intend to get up till 6:30 anyway." And 9 minutes later whenrepparttar 126156 alarm rings again, your inner brat says, "Just one more time. It's not 6:30 yet."

You might pressrepparttar 126157 snooze button 2 or 3 more times. Byrepparttar 126158 time you do roll out of bed you feel a little rushed, but you convince yourself that you can still make it outrepparttar 126159 door by 7:30 . . . 7:40 atrepparttar 126160 latest.

Oops -- what have you just done? You have inadvertently allowed your inner brat to negotiate. The 7:30 departure time is no longer firm. Now it's moved to 7:40. Plus, you have openedrepparttar 126161 door to further delay as you get closer to 7:40.

As your morning routine progresses, you find several little things that didn't seem urgent last night orrepparttar 126162 day before, but which need to be taken care of *right now*. Checking your watch (which you've set 10 minutes fast) you see that it's 7:35. "It's really only 7:25," you remind yourself. Your inner brat adds that you have at least 15 minutes, since you can still make it to work on time if you leave at 7:40, providing traffic is not too bad.

Next thing you know, it's 7:55, and you go flying around looking for your shoes, your keys or that recipe you promised to Gladys at work. Now there's no way you're going to be there by 8:00. But tomorrow for sure . . .

How did this happen? You can see thatrepparttar 126163 problem is not lack of time -- you have enough time to get ready.

The problem is what you do withrepparttar 126164 time. Your inner brat distracts you, makes excuses aboutrepparttar 126165 urgencies of nonessential tasks, or rationalizes that you don't have to conform to a rigid schedule.

And it's not just work or other obligations that your inner brat resists. It also balks at preparing for things that you're looking forward to. Just as with work, getting ready for positive events requires focus and blocking out distractions. Since these involve effort and concentration, your inner brat wants nothing to do with them.

As you can see, if you want to be successful at mastering your chronic lateness, it's not enough to merely rearrange your schedule. You must also understand how your inner brat sabotages your best efforts to be on time by distorting your priorities. Once you get to know your inner brat, you'll be on your way to breaking your lateness habit.

Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Beyond Words Publishing, 2001)

Visit for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.

Self improvement: Turn Down the Rheostat

Written by Susan Dunn, MA Psychology, Emotional Intelligence Coach

Continued from page 1

One ofrepparttar less mentioned benefits of developing your emotional intelligence is that eventually you can modulate your emotions. They don’t “come in” as strongly. You don’t experience them as strongly. Therefore they’re easier to manage, likerepparttar 126154 cub scouts no longer agitated by my loud tones who were therefore better behaved.

You can also benefit by learning to turn down, your negative self-talk. These arerepparttar 126155 things you’re always telling yourself in your head that you may or may not be aware of, which actually make things worse. These arerepparttar 126156 things that pop out of your mouth when you miss an appointment, for instance, like, “Why am I so stupid?” or “Can’t I ever get it right?” Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Make it positive and self-soothing. The other doesn’t work. Get off your back and on your side!

Slow it all down. When you immediately react to what someone says is when you are most likely to say something that will either agitaterepparttar 126157 situation, harm you orrepparttar 126158 other, or that you’ll regret having said later.

This is when we speak likerepparttar 126159 knee jerk reaction whenrepparttar 126160 doctor taps our knee with that rubber thing – as if it were automatic, and we had no control overrepparttar 126161 words that come out of our mouths, orrepparttar 126162 gestures and expressions we use, which can be equally damaging. If someone has rolled their eyes at you in disgust when you’ve made a suggestion or asked a pertinent question, you know what I mean.

This is when we get that flash anger and say, “That’s it. I quit,” or “Pack your bags and get out.” The take-home point is to ‘get’ that you’ve been insulted or what not, but not to take it so “hard” that you can’t deal with it in a way that’s constructive and that won’t sabotage you.

Work with an emotional intelligence coach and learn how to slow down your reactions to things. It will give you time to think them through and this will almost always bring better results.

And tryrepparttar 126163 thing about whispering next time you’re with a young child. It works beautifully. In fact they’re kind of fascinated byrepparttar 126164 whole thing. Which is to say, as we say in coaching, “try one thing different.”

©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, . Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence, career, transitions, resilience, relationships, professional development. for free ezine. Want to be a certified EQ coaches? Email me about the EQ Alive! Program. Start tomorrow. No residency requirement.

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