Parenting always means walking a fine line between protecting your child and setting him or her free to learn on their own, how to manage life's downs and ups. After September 11th attacks, I had to do something that I am sure many parents had to do and no parent in America should ever have to do. Sad and determined, I called my daughter. "Hon, I said, I don't want to worry you, but I have to tell you something. Times have changed and you need to be careful. I want you to live your life as usual, but stay close to school, go out in groups and think carefully about where you go at night. And, please, when you party or shop, take care and don't go alone." She listened quietly. "Mom," she said. "I didn't want to worry you, but I was in a Seven-Eleven and some guy got nasty with me. He asked my religion and wanted to know if I was Moslem. It was scary. I was with my friends and we left." Painful memories of Jews, Japanese, Tutsis, Hispanics, Armenians, Blacks -- other racial, ethnic, or religious groups under siege -- flooded my brain. "You did right thing, I responded. Just use your "street smarts" and you'll be fine." I hung up, feeling helpless, angry and heartbroken. The safest, most liberal country in world was no longer safe. Not for my daughter, not for those of dark complexion, not for anyone who looked Middle Eastern or stereotypically Islamic.

I believe she will never again be as safe as she once was. I brought her to a free country where color shouldn't matter. As many ethnic groups know all to well, it does. And, after September 11th, I fear it will matter more. She is my daughter. I love her and my love is colorblind, but not everyone else's is. September 11th brought ugly unfounded prejudices once again to fore. In past, it has been other groups that think, dress, or who look different who became recipients of hate. This time it is Moslems.

We are a diverse nation. Tolerance is our strength. Each of us has an obligation to be vigilant and to not let ignorance overcome wisdom. Now, it is my turn to worry about my child. Next time it could be yours. My daughter is an American. She shouldn't ever have had to face discrimination and concern for her safety. Now she does. September 11th has presented us with a new American Tragedy. We cannot let evil of prejudice prevail.

This column's for you,

DR. D.

Dorree Lynn, PH.D.

Give your list careful thought and make necessary revisions to expected behaviors. From this list you should be able to effectively and efficiently manage your roles and positions.

MAXIMIZING ROLE PERFORMANCE

Socially appropriate role performance requires knowledge about what is expected, ability to perform what is expected, and motivation to perform what is expected.

Learning to define and manage your roles and positions provides you with knowledge of what is expected. However, you determine your ability to perform what is expected and your motivation to perform what is expected.

After final list revisions are completed, examine list carefully to determine your ability to perform each role and position. Only you can make that determination because only you know how much responsibility you can manage. Remember your goal is to maximize role performance.

You've determined that you have knowledge and ability to perform what is expected. But, are you motivated to perform what is expected? Never accept a role or position that you are not motivated to perform. Generally, you will not do a good job if you are not motivated even if you have knowledge and ability.

In order to maximize role performance all three ingredients must be present - knowledge, ability, and motivation.

Knowledge of roles and positions should help you to better understand who you are and empower you to look beyond your name into your inner self.

So, next time someone asks you, "Who are you?" make sure you not only give them your name but also inform them about your roles and positions. Your roles and positions are part of essence of who your are.