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4. Don’t confront him without 3 P’s – Proof, a Plan, and a Purpose.
Most experts agree that you should confront your husband about his cheating. But you need to have a plan. Choose time and place carefully so you can discuss affair at length without interruption. Do not ask your husband if he’s cheating. Cheaters lie. Present evidence you’ve gathered that proves he’s having an affair - names, dates, places, times, absences, phone calls, physical evidence, etc. Then ask him some pointed questions about his affair: why he did it, how it started, how long it’s been going on, how he feels about other woman, what he intends to do now that you know. Listen carefully to his answers so you can accurately assess situation. Then you’ll be able to make a wise decision about what course of action to take. Do not confront your husband without proof of his infidelity. To do so will be a colossal waste of time. Unless you can prove he’s been cheating, information-gathering phase will never get off ground. If you need proof, there’s a way for you to get it without hiring a detective or buying software or surveillance equipment. “Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs” will help you find all proof you need using only your eyes and ears, your personal knowledge of your husband, and information in this book.
5. Don’t waste your time and energy on other woman.
One of worst things you can do is become obsessed with other woman. It’s natural for you to be curious about her, but she’s not worth your time and energy. Repeatedly questioning your husband about her, referring to her or dragging her name into conversation puts spotlight on her instead of on real issues where it belongs. Don’t obsess over details of what happened between two them. Concentrate on working things out between two of you. Do not humiliate or frustrate yourself by calling or confronting other woman and demanding that she leave your husband alone. She’s not obligated to take orders from you. Harassing her or threatening her will put you on wrong side of law. Name-calling, criticizing or belittling her will only make your husband come to her defense. You’ll be driving them closer together instead of forcing them apart Forget about other woman and focus your energy and efforts on getting your marriage back on track.
Will you end up sabotaging your marriage or saving it? The final outcome depends on way you handle things when you first discover your husband’s affair. In initial stages, you may be unsure exactly what you’re going to do. But at least you know what NOT to do. Whether you stay with your husband or leave him, avoiding these mistakes, leaves way clear for whatever decision you eventually make.
Copyright 2003 Ruth Houston
Ruth Houston is the author of “Is He Cheating on You?-829 Telltale Signs.” To learn more about her book, sign up for her infidelity newsletter, or receive a FREE Infidelity report and list of 29 Telltale Signs, visit her website at http://www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com or mail to: CheatingSigns@aol.com