3 Surefire Ways to Combat Rising Gas Prices

Written by Timothy Ward

Continued from page 1

(a) never washing or cleaning your car. Leave it looking and smelling likerepparttar county landfill.

(b) Haverepparttar 118114 worst behaved child in your family sitting inrepparttar 118115 front seat at all times. Feedrepparttar 118116 child lots of candy so he/she is always superhyper.

(c) Refuse to discuss anything in your car except your spouses bad bathing habits, bodily fluids, hang nails, chest hair, etc.

(d) Only play reggae music onrepparttar 118117 radio. Loud!

You shouldn't have to worry about anyone wanting to ride with you ever again.

3. Riderepparttar 118118 Bus/Subway

Many cities have a mass transit system that is an alternative to driving your own vehicle. If you live in a city that doesn't have one don't worry-you can always move. Of course, riding public transportation does have a few drawbacks, but these can be easily overcome if you follow these simple guidelines:

1. No matter what happens never, ever make eye contact with anyone. Making eye contact is an invitation for someone to mug you.

2. No matter what happens never, ever give up your seat to anyone. This is seen as weakness, and will be taken as an invitation to mug you.

3. No matter how tempted you are never, ever strike up a conversation withrepparttar 118119 person sitting next or across from you. This is very annoying and can be taken as an invitation for someone to mug you. Or worse, for someone to talk back.

4. Always make sure you are alert to get on and off atrepparttar 118120 right stop. Getting off atrepparttar 118121 wrong stop can lead to immediate mugging.

5. Never, ever take children with you on public transportation. Fellow passengers hate children. Children make you definite mug victim material.

Well, there you have it. 3 ways to deal with rising gas prices. Hopefully, you will be able to use these methods to keep from spending twice your car's Blue Book value just going to Walmart. Hopefully, next time your friends are grumbling and ranting aboutrepparttar 118122 mounting gas prices you will be able to just sit back and smile, content becauserepparttar 118123 issue no longer concerns you. Hopefully, I've once more helped my loyal readers in a time of crisis. And all I ask in return as a simple thank you next time you see me. Just make sure we're not onrepparttar 118124 bus. I'd hate to have to mug you...

Timothy Ward invites you to subscribe to his weekly humor column 'I Never Said I Was Normal' at timward.1afm.com


Written by Rev. James L. Snyder

Continued from page 1

My girlfriend (nowrepparttar Mistress ofrepparttar 118113 Parsonage) flashed her beautiful eyes at me and whispered, "Let's get married."

Beingrepparttar 118114 gentleman that I am, I found it hard to resistrepparttar 118115 wishes of a beautiful lady. That wasn'trepparttar 118116 worst part.

While in that romantic mood she said, as if to strengthen her argument (and she got no argument from me), "After all, two can live cheaper than one."

I also could have used my sanity in several church situations. Once a church committee was interviewing me forrepparttar 118117 illustrious position of being their pastor. One ofrepparttar 118118 members ofrepparttar 118119 committee remarked, "And you will find, Brother Snyder, that this church really loves its pastor."

Had sanity been by my side then, I might have seenrepparttar 118120 napkins around each neck andrepparttar 118121 knife and fork in each hand.

As soon as I said yes and moved in,repparttar 118122 people commenced to eat me alive. (What communion wine goes with roasted pastor?)

To be fair about this matter, there have also been times when sanity would just have gotten inrepparttar 118123 way. Sanity would have caused me to take myself too seriously. That, of course, is a big mistake.

Nobody, especially a minister, should ever take himself or herself too seriously. For example, I know that I am not as good as some ofrepparttar 118124 people inrepparttar 118125 congregation think I am, and I am not as bad as others say.

Several years back, in another congregation, an el-derly couple attendedrepparttar 118126 church services. He developed Alzheimer's and could not come to church. She, however, was most faithful in attending. As a ministry ofrepparttar 118127 church, we prepared tapes ofrepparttar 118128 Sunday services, and she always took one home for her husband.

One Sunday, as she was leavingrepparttar 118129 church, she warmly shook my hand and with tears in her eyes whispered to me, "Oh, brother Snyder, you will never know how much your sermons mean to my husband since he lost his mind."

I was so thankful sanity was not by my side then. Other incidents throughrepparttar 118130 years have only underscored my point. I have had many guest ministers in my pulpit throughoutrepparttar 118131 years. The absence of any sense of sanity has kept me in good stead here.

Following a service with a guest speaker, invariably someone will say torepparttar 118132 guest as they leaverepparttar 118133 church, "We sure haven't heard preaching like that for a long time. Please come back soon."

As I think about this, and add uprepparttar 118134 pros and cons, I am not sure exactly what that means.

Withrepparttar 118135 stress of days like these, there is one verse fromrepparttar 118136 Bible that comforts me in all this: "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." (Isaiah 26:3 KJV.)

If Santy does not bring my sanity this year, it will not be a major calamity.

Rev. James L. Snyder is an award winning author and popular columnist living in Ocala, FL with his wife Martha.

    <Back to Page 1
ImproveHomeLife.com © 2005
Terms of Use