How can you bolster your resilience to change and learn to manage it better? How can you keep “stress” from becoming “strain”? Here are some tips. 1. Label it immediately a "transition."

You are not lost in space (no longer a mother), nor at end of line (retirement), nor is it end of world (getting laid off). You are in space between one thing and another -- a transition. You are now going to create future, and recreate yourself. There is no cause for alarm.

2. Develop your emotional intelligence (EQ) and start now.

This is proactive way to prepare for all changes in your life. With EQ, you won’t be reactively dealing with each change as it comes along. You will have accepted change as part of your life, and built life skills you need to keep "stress" from becoming "strain."

3. Accept change as a "constant" and build resilience.

Resilience (an EQ competency) means being able to survive loss, rejection, failure and adversity and remain hopeful. The single worst outcome of any change or crisis would be for you to become bitter and cynical.

4. Handle emotions through body.

If your body is tense, you will be tense. Get out of this harmful closed feedback loop. As Candace Pert, Ph.D. says, our emotions exist in every cell of our body. Exercise, yes, of course, but also get massages. The benefit to your well-being is widely reported in scientific literature.

5. Get with people who can sing your song when you’ve forgotten it.

We all have hard times; this is just your time. Rely on people around you who can remind you of what’s constant in your life – real you, and them, your friends!

6. Work with a certified emotional intelligence coach.

I’m not talking about preparing for each individual change as it comes up. This is an inefficient and reactive way to operate. I mean preparing your SELF proactively for inevitable changes you will encounter throughout your lifetime so that you remain prepared as part of who you are. This is about emotional intelligence, or competency, and this is how you do it.

CHANGES

Just when you think everything’s settled, and way it’s going to be, along comes a change.

Some of these changes will be good – you get a promotion out-of-the-blue, or suddenly find out you’re pregnant after trying for some time, or dream house you’ve been looking for comes on market long before you expected it to or were prepared to move.

Some of these changes will be difficult – a transfer you didn’t want, getting laid off, empty nest, or losing a lover, partner or loved one.

Whether anticipated or not, whether wanted or not, things change, and how we deal with this is a sign of our emotional intelligence (EQ), or competency.

TIPS

1.Label it immediately a transition.

You are not lost in space (no longer a mother), nor at end of line (retirement), nor is it end of world (getting laid off). You are in space between one thing and another; a transition. You are not going to create future, and recreate yourself. 2.Keep constant what you can and take care of yourself.

The first thing most counselors will tell you is something like, “Eat breakfast at same time every day,” or “Take a warm bath.”

It’s comforting to recognize what in your life has NOT changed, and you always need to practice extreme self-care, but particularly at times when earth seems to be moving beneath you feet.

3.To handle emotions, lead with body.

If your body is tense, you will feel tense. Work from direction of your body – exercise, or get massages.

There is something healing in human touch that exercise can’t bring you. It is widely reported in literature how important massages can be in times of strain.

4.Use your social support network.

I’m sure you’ve helped others; now it’s their time to help you. We all go through difficult times, it’s just your time now. Those friends are one of constants in your life when other things have changed. Get with people who can sing your song when you’ve forgotten it.

5.If your change brings you time, enjoy it.

Try a new hobby or get in touch with an old one. How long since you last did needlework? Could you take trip you’ve been wanting to take? Use this time to improve yourself – study art, take a computer course, read great literature.

6.Don’t worry.

Worry does no good. When you worry, you stress yourself physiologically, when you are already under stress to begin with. 7.Grieve.