According to Daniel Goleman, author of "Emotional Intelligence," ( http:/ inyurl.com/z9ny ),
hardest thing kids must do is break into an already-formed play group. In adult life, that's starting a new job.
We are intensely territorial at heart. Our reptilian brains are keyed to be suspicious of "intruders," and to fear what we don't know. Your first few days in a new job, you're being scrutinized under a microscope and are only tentatively welcome. Use your Emotional Intelligence to survive first 100 hours! Here are 11 things NOT to do.
1. Don't FORGET PEOPLE'S NAMES.
If you do nothing else, remember people's names. When introduced, wait expectantly for a cue. If they stick out their hand, shake it. if they don't, just smile and say usual.
2. Don't MOVE IN TOO FAST.
Take it easy bringing your "things" to office. Save photos and personal items for a while. Place your yogurt discretely at back of refrigerator. Don't grab any old cup from coffee room, or start making coffee until you see how it's done. It's a reptilian, territorial thing. You're moving into THEIR turf.
3. Don't TALK TOO MUCH, REVEAL TOO MUCH, OR EXPRESS UNNECESSARY FEELINGS OR OPINIONS.
Keep your conversation light, neutral, and just enough to be friendly. Sure as you get loose, you'll step on someone's toes. You don't know yet who just got divorced, who's married to an Italian, and who's opposed to daycare. As soon as you say, "Well personally I hate..." next person who comes in will have that, do that, like that, or live there.
Use "neutral" language and tone of voice, like anchor people do. Avoid any slang or colloquialisms in this new country. The King's English: what you learned in school.
4. Don't ASSUME ANYTHING.
Maybe everyone leaves at 5:31 on dot; maybe they don't. Keep a low profile and pay attention to what others are doing. You're moving into an established culture and they have a set way of doings things whether they're mindful of it or not. You want to fit in, not stand out. Remember saying, "When in Rome, do as Romans do."
5. Don't OVERDO IT. THAT THREATENS PEOPLE.
Save designer stuff and status symbols. Appearing "better than," in any way, will backfire on you later. If you drive a brand new expensive something or other, park at back of lot, and don't advertise it. If you just got back from a barefoot cruise, or just bought a new home, save it for later. You don't know circumstances of those around you. The person you're telling may have just filed bankruptcy.
And speaking of parking ... one first day on a job, with uncanny bad form, I actually managed to park in boss' unmarked, but definitely claimed, parking place. "How lucky," I thought. "I can park right in front of door."
