Trevor Barre – Life and Relationship Coach.

Issue 12/2001

This month, I would like to share, with permission, a fellow coach’s suggestions for better New Year resolutions. It makes for great reading.

© Deborah Keahey, 2001

1. Make resolutions throughout year, rather than waiting for New Year’s.

That way you’re likely to set goals that are really meaningful and compelling, rather than setting goals for sake of a holiday ritual.

2. Eliminate recurring resolutions.

Anything you’ve set as a goal before and failed at probably isn’t going to work any better this time. Drop it or redefine it to make it more doable and attractive.

3. Align resolutions with values.

When goals are in sync with your natural values, success comes more effortlessly.

4. Cross ‘shoulds’ off your list.

‘Shoulds’ and ‘musts’ are actually other people’s goals, not yours.

5. Make resolutions specific and measurable.

If there’s no clear finish line, you won’t be able to know if you’ve succeeded. Vague goals create anxiety and drain energy.

6. Identify what might stop you from succeeding.

Anticipating possible obstacles means they are less likely to derail you when you encounter them. Some will even disappear just by being named.

7. Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want.

Sounds basic, right? You might be surprised. Energy follows thought, so you attract what you focus on. Phrase resolutions to express positive, not negative, side of your goals.

8. Make your physical environment do work.

As I reflect upon my life --the Good, Bad, and Ugly, (does that mean I'm getting old?), I look upon my experiences with band with fondness and know that those memories will stay with me forever.

Music is in my blood. Every fiber of my being somehow has music attached to it. I think it's a DNA thing. Both parents are musicians and teachers, both grandmothers were entertainers, my Nana a piano player back in days of silent films and my Grammy a Broadway dancer. Seems to me that I wasn't left with much of a choice in matter!

When I was 30, (okay, now I'm dating myself), I joined what's referred to as a GB (General Business) band. Our primary function was weddings. That's how it started. For first year we did weddings that were booked prior to my joining. Lucky for us these folks didn't choose another band when they discovered that singer they thought would be there was in fact going to be me. The singer they'd booked from video tape had left and I was taking her place.

The weddings were fun. I loved singing bride and groom's special songs and somehow added to their day. I liked being emcee. I enjoyed having to be upbeat and "on" even on those days when I felt "off". It was good therapy! Oh, and let's not forget singing part. Yes, that's my heart and to me one of best forms of self expression going.

As I think back, I suppose I liked attention, too. I didn't want too much, but when someone came up to me on my break and said how wonderful music was, it felt good.

The band and I had excellent chemistry. Chemistry is there or it isn't -- you can't force it just as with any relationship. I think I laughed more on my gigs than at any other time. We'd joke on stage or keyboard player would make "funny" sounds with his keys while I was in middle of a song, TRYING to make me laugh and sometimes succeeding. Imagine singing "Crazy" while "burp" sounds are going off in background! Boy, did I have to bite my tongue a lot! Sometimes, it didn't work and I actually lost it during a song. Oh, when that happened entire band was in stitches and all I could do was muster up self control needed to keep going, hoping that folks dancing didn't notice. Sometimes, they did, and they laughed at us having such a good time! But, don't let that give you wrong impression. We were definitely professional. A little laughter didn't take that away.

Whenever a wedding ended, I got a great feeling when bride and groom thanked us for doing a great job. What a feeling of satisfaction that was! Even with aching feet, a tired body and a worn voice, I was uplifted by their comments.

Now, you may be saying, "Hey, if this was so great, why did she leave?"

I say, "Good question."